Colby Disorientation Guide 2018


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Colby Disorientation Guide 2018




Waterville, Maine


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Car olyn Jones
Amya Bha lla

in an Aca demic
Mattie Wyndham


Recognition of Passion
Minji Ko

Aa ron Canter

Speak Up
Holly Lauren Garcia

Copy Editors

Accessibility and Transportation
Camille Owsley

Layout Editors

Madd y Alb erl
Himan sh u Bhu rt el
Aa ro n Cant er
Ang e la Fern a nd e z
J an e Fran ks
Sop h ie Ped e r so n

It 's Worth i t to Go
Erin Maidman

Jam. History of Student
Amya Bhalla


8 -17
Rich Kid World
Dylan Shaw

You can think of it as alternative
hazing ... because it is coming from
a place of love and support. We
want first-years to be prepared
for the challenges of college by
hearing upper-classmen who have
experienced them. This publication
is not intended to scare, threaten,
or shame, but merely to support
and care for first years-- show
them that they are not alone, and
they are not the first.
Brought to you by Outside Colby ,
a non-partisan political pub I ication
dedicated to informing students
about different opinions on
controversial issues in the United
States and around the world.
Our goal is to increase political
discourse and debate at Colby ,
and serve as a forum for different
points of view to be heard.

Nightmare in Gingo - Land
Ni zar Kaddouri
When They Say Liberal Arts , They Mean it
Anxiety Sucks
Jane Franks
Cut To Me Stacking Piles of CDs
Tom Crisp

When a Campus Isn't Made for You
E Hopf
Jewish at Colby
Sarah Rock ford
Openly Straight
Ben Webb
Secret Heroes
Carolyn Jones


2 Outside Colby


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By Mattie Wyn


oss is a p lace to cry. Ove r foo d. Spread out o n a

mirage of loneliness wa tch ing your frie nds sm ile on the dance

coveted boo th . Runni ng up the stairs and into the

floor as you wonder how they got so good at pretend ing; a

alcove of Woodman, atop the trash bins as friends,

sustained anger at al l the vio lence -

c lassmates, strangers, abusers walk by. Fossis a p lace

psychologica l -

structura l, co rporea l,

present here and in the world; the relief of

to cry. With your friends. Away from you r frie nds. Watching a

finding home in a person, or people, only to accept that one

co uple fall in love as yo u sit alo ne st ill rubb ing your lips c lean

day this home m ight leave yo u. If yo u do not have a name

of Saturday's party.

for your emotio n, if you can not yet answer why it is you are

The Fem inist All iance/ Wome n of Color A lli ance room is

crying, this is okay. All you r emo t ions are valid.

a place to cry. On the couc h under neath fo rmer students'

Your affect and your emotions are your own . Most li kely,

drawings of vulvas and when you are wrappe d in the arms of

you and I w ill exper ience a differe nt Co lby. I think, though,

people w ho become older sisters, best friends, secret keepers.

that it is impo rtant to learn how to exp ress your emo tio ns,

I fi nd this room to be a partic ularly good place to cry.

w hatever they may be, and wheneve r they mig ht occ ur. You

The Chapel in the middle of the night. Multi -Fait h Alli ance.
M ille r stacks. A ny dorm elevator, probab ly, even if you're not
a resident, is just a good place to cry.

must also be responsible for you r emotio ns. This is a tightrope
I am st ill learning how to walk.
You are about to go through so many changes, and it is a

The Dana booths are tr ied and tr ue places to laugh-cry -

common mistake to pretend l ike you are fine. It is okay if you

eit her beca use your joy becomes unbearab le or because you

are not fine. I do not have a how -to guide on the precise steps

tell the self-deprecating story too many times and you r body

to fo llow w hen you' re about to lose it in the dining hall, or in

fina lly tells you the truth .

the mid d le of class, or in the middle of Pughpa looza, or any

The bat hroom floor is a co ld p lace to cry, but someone will

other pub lic event. But I can suggest that when yo u feel like

find you and someone wi ll hold you. You are never alone on

a body made of only raw little nerve endi ngs that you treat

the bath room floor of the women's restroom on a Friday night

you rself kind ly. What a special place this can be, to feel so

at Colby College.

muc h. You are soft and tuned into your surroun d ings. You are

A ll of these suggestions are incredibly personal; they are

open to the melancho ly of a blue-grey qua d, sensitive to the

based off my ow n experiences, and most of these mome nts

undercurrent of another's hello . Your heart can be an intense

that I vaguely refer to are from my first-year at Colby. It was a

place to call home, but stil l, I recomme nd it. You w ill do some

tin1e of polit ical viole nce at Co lby, and some of this violence

of you r best work there.

was deeply personal. If you wa nt a fu ll history, please talk

I offer th is urgent advice to let you rself feel, truly, really feel!!

to me and other seniors. We all have our own relationsh ips,

wit h the knowledge that feeling so much alone can be quite

v iewpo ints, and hot -takes on the multiple inc idents.

awfu l. I learned to love Colby because of some incred ible

I am w riti ng this because being open ly emot iona l on this

seniors w ho showed me kindness and warmth and comm unity

camp us is both inev itable and ext remely taxing. The academic

and what my future co uld hol d here. Three years have flown

world largely ignores our affect ive lives. W hat a shan,e it

by and now I am in their place. I hope I can do the same for

wo uld be if yo u were to do the same.

some of you. I love Co lby. Fo r all its faults, I have found home

This camp us is not just for grind ing out papers and lab

here. If you are in need of some guidance, some frien dship,

reports. If it we re, we wouldn' t be paying so much rnoney. This

some warm th, or anythi ng of the sort, please reach out to me .

is your home fo r the next fo ur years, and you will feel, with

Message me on Facebook at Mattie Leila Wyndham o r e-ma il

any luck, a restless peace watching the snow fall, endlessly,

me at mwy

by Johnson Pond; a tuggi ng mo urning for the person yo u were
when you first arrived on this campus, which is to say, more

Trust the process. Welcome to Mayflower Hi ll. I am eager to
watc h you grow.

innocent and na'ive and a bit blurrier; a particular kind of

September 4, 2018 3

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By Minji Ko
fter I recently


from a high


I saw on campus was a variety of interests

school where students participated in
all forms of art, music, academic clubs,
and athletic teams, experiencing Co lby's

among the eight-hundred students who played the
thirty sports the co ll ege competes in .
I was discouraged by Co lby's lack

culture was a shock . I came to Colby expecting to see
students with equa lly diverse and vibrant breadths of
interests . But instead, I was confronted with an attitude

of diversity in all its manifestations, I was most
d isappointed by this overarching apathy within a
g iven pursu it, spec ifically, with in non athletic pursuits.

of apathy towards activities other than sports, and saw
that this apathy even stemmed from students within
non-athletic c lubs .

Coming from a strong musica l background , I pursued
music seriously and participated in rigorous chamber
music before coming to Colby. My friends who were

As Colby is a sma ll liberal arts school in rural
Maine , I unfortunately anticipated some deficit of
ethnic, sexual, and economic diversity . But perhaps,

in my ensembles were committed and passionate ,
and th is dedication was reflected in their music that
inspired even nonmusicians in concert. Rehearsals

in some ways, the more shocking lack of diversity that
I experienced was the overarching homogeneity of
interests . This homogeneity was masked by the efforts

lasted long after predetermined end times, and they
cons isted of hour long discussions over the execution
of a crescendo or a technical marking to better

of the admissions marketing teams on social media
and on the Co lby website that showcased students
who demonstrated an impressive list of interests and

reconcile the intentions of the composer and our own
interpretations of the music . At concerts, the audience
would be filled with both teachers and fr iends who

activities . These efforts implied that Colby students
were enthusiastic about a variety of causes and
activities . Furthermore , the club fair for first-year

had no reason to attend but to support my craft and to
experience the art that is c lassical music .
This leve l of dedication was the norm that I had

students at the beginning of the year that was fi IIed
with enthusiastic club presidents and members on ly
justified the marketing team's claims .

come to expect not on ly in music, but also in other
activities and causes. However once I arr ived at Colby,
I was confronted by rehearsals cut short by athletic

As I began to settle into the routine and structure
of the new school year, however, I was disappointed
to see that the scope of students ' passions was much

rehearsa ls and homework . And to my dismay, the
turnout at musical performances cons isted of a handfu l
of Co lby students among many older Waterv ille

smaller than what I expected . Many c lubs advertised
at the club fair appeared to be, in reality, skeletons
of executive boards whose club members rarely cared

residents and Colby faculty .I was discouraged to see
that the greater student population was uninterested
in recognizing the value of the work their peers we re

enough to attend meetings regularly . On the other
hand , athletic teams dominated social scenes and
dining hall s, and many peop le seemed to only see merit

putting in to pu rsue their crafts in addition to being
fu ll-time academ ics. Apart from the spec ial few,
many students didn't seem to ho ld much regard for

in the tit le of the "student ath lete" rather than seeing
" student athlete " and " student musician " or "student
artist" equa lly. Students seemed to think that the time

the student creator as they did for the student athlete .
Being a part of this apparent minority of artists caused
me to assume that the majority of Co lby students were

and effort that it took to perfect one's performance in
a sport superseded the same ded ication requ ired to
refine an artform or publish a research paper . The on ly

d isinte rested and indifferent. But as it turns out, I was
wrong .

4 Outside C,olb

RECOGNITION OF PASSION, continued page 21


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By HollyLauren
s someone


the south, having never

It is here, at Co lby, I'm lear ning how to talk abo ut my

experienced snow before, I wish Colby would

diffe rences and how to educate people about their ignorances.

have done mo re to prepare me for some of the

Taki ng part in heated debates abou t differe nt ident ities has

greyest mo nths of my li fe. I understand that

fo rced me to realize w ho I am and what I stand for. Looking

Co lby needs to protec t its image and present the best parts

back, conve rsations about race and gender have been

of the hill to prospies (prospective students); however, once

extreme ly diff icu lt, especia ll y when my viewpoi nts differ

we're in and have agreed to spend the next four years of our

from my professors. It can be terrify ing to share an opposing

l ives in the Northeast, they need to be real about the winter.

opinio n, but I hol d onto the idea that "if I do n't say it, then

My fri ends and I were not fully prepared for the snow, let alone

who w ill?"

the b lizzards that hit ou r first year. We d idn't know abo ut black

When the conversat ions become too muc h, I turn to those

ice and how easy it is to sli p and fall unti l we act ually did.

who I know w ill suppor t me and tell me my thoughts matter.

We didn't know that wear ing several pairs of socks actually

I lean on professors whose co urses I haven't even taken, but

cuts off circu latio n causing you r toes to feel mo re frozen.

who I have chosen to bu ild a relationsh ip with out of mu tual

A nd we definitely didn't know the first thi ng abo ut sledd ing,

respect and commo n interests. Ma ny professors have ope n-

snowshoeing, or skiing.

doo r policies, meaning w henever they 're i n their offices, I can

While none of thi s know ledge seems detr ime ntal to o ur

pop in to ask questions or to chat abou t life. I also lean on staff

learning, it did make us feel differe nt. Being

mem bers who I see o n a daily basis, like the

diffe rent may seem like a hi p part of the

din ing staff, custodians, and lib rarians. They

ma instream, but there is nothin g trendy about
being the o nly black person in a socio logy


class that's d iscussing the performa nce of



are the backbo nes of this comm unity and
hard ly get enough cred it for it. Addi t ionally,
I lean o n deans that I've chosen to share my

Afr ican A mericans in U.S. pub lic schools. As

story with and co me to when Co lby feels l ike

someo ne from Mia mi, having spent most of

too much to handle.

my life surro unded by people of color, I never realized that I

Like any other co llege campus, we have incidents of hate,

was a "POC" until I set foot in the w hitest state in America --

but w hat has surprised me mo re than the acts of ignorance and

Ma ine. I had never contemp lated what being mixed or havi ng

vio lence is how ou r commun ity responds to those behaviors.

tan skin meant unt il my freshman year of co llege. Hav ing spent

I have seen students ban together through wa lkou ts, vigil s,

more than half my life " out of closet" , it was tough to suddenly

rallies, and other up lift ing events. D uri ng hard times, the

be in a p lace w here others are afraid of their sexuali ty gett ing

leaders of the Pugh Center and it's club members are the ones

out. And as young adul t struggling with mu lt iple chronic

who organ ize and prov ide not on ly suppor t, but opport unit ies

i ll nesses, liv ing i n mountai nous Maine beca me the biggest

for all Co lby students to get involved and share their voices.

cha llenge of my life.

A nd whi le professors can't help it if l' n1 the o nly black, queer,

Thin k about the few mi nutes it takes you to walk across

student from the South in their classes, they can be w ill ing

campus in time for yo ur next class. W hat if those few mi nutes

to Iisten to what I have to say. It's true-- some professors have

felt like hours? A nd what if dur ing that time period your body

biases and they definit ely show in the classroom. Yet, there

was bu rning as if you were on your last leg of a marathon. This

are also professors who ope n to hearing your cr iti cism and

is how I fee l every t ime I reach an incline, w hich is all the t ime

who wa nt to know w hen they've spoken or behaved in an

since our address if 4000 May fl ower H ILL. Next time someone

offe nsive way. I encou rage you to speak up w hen you see or

shows up late, don't just assume they were being lazy or that

hear something that you do n't fu ll y understand or agree w ith

they could have left earlier . Some of us don 't always have the

because it is through our voices that Co lby's comm unity wi ll

privilege of wa lking wit hout w incing.

change for the better.

September4, 2018 5

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By Camille
······ ············· ··· ··· ···· ······················· ················· ···· ····· ············ ···· ····· ···· ··················· ······················· ••···· ······· ·•········ ···•··

hen I arrived at Colby, I was told
that there would be transportation
opt ions for students without cars.
Wh ile this can be an issue for any
student lacking their own transportation, I found to be
especially bad my junior year.
For my enti re college career, it has been difficult
to leave campus to run errands, so I need to find
alternatives such as Amazon . However, Amazon cannot
get me to a doctor's appointment. I had to go three
t imes a week and had no way of getting there. I went
to the health center and was given two taxi vouchers,
one for each way.
Those were great
as long as I booked
hours in advance,
possible given my
schedule .
The vo uchers are
five per semester.
I knew I needed
another alternative .
Ho weve r,
Lyft, and Via are not
based in Waterville,
so yo u can only
chance. The Jitney works on a set schedule that does
not always work with the appointment times available
or the locations of those appointments . The Shutt le
didn't go c lose to where I needed to get to, so I was
prett y much out of options.
I tried other companies and that wo rked for about
a week, but eventually they just stopped working or
answering calls. At this point I comp letely freaked
out and turned to my friends . They went above and
beyo nd getting me to and from all of my appointments

several times a week for months .
I was at the mercy of my friend's schedules and am
incredibly fortunate that they were wi lling to help
and had the time to do so. Not everyone is so lucky.
I can understand the schoo l's po licy in not providing
on the spot transportation for every individual student.
However , the transportation challenges make it
incredibl y difficu lt for a chronically ill student to get
medical care.
That info rmation was never given to me or others
w hen coming into Colby. In fact, we were told that there
w ere several opt ions for leaving campus and otherwise
getti ng
Waterv ill e area. While
genera l
have more collective
transportation, last year
led to a decrease in
options for specialized
wou ld take students to
doctor's appointments
if necessary. That po l icy
has been changed.
been limited and it can
be challenging to get
around or generally be
productive membe rs of
the Co lby community. I found it difficu lt to be my most
productive when I am in pain and unable to get relief
because I cannot get to a doctor.
I ended up havin g to bui ld a system once I really
needed it, however, it would be advisab le to have one
already built before an emergency. I wou ld recommend
findin g different ways to get transpo rtation so that
when you need to, yo u can go to the doctor or the


6 Outside C,olby

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•·· ···· ···· ··· ··.

-■ hey

warned you at orientation that Maine winters

me both sort through my transforming mental landscape and

wou ld be hard . They'll remind you of it agai n in

realize that a lot of the barriers I was coming up to as I tried

the Fall, and, on the night of the first snowfall,

to get better were rooted in deep -seeded habits of mind that

everyone wi ll be talking about it. But trust me

needed challenging. With him , I was ab le to develop practices

when I say that you will not understand how hard they are

that a llowed me to start managing w hat we later realized was

unti l you've lived one, no matter how m uch warning you've

bipolar disorder. By and large, he and I have done some of the

had. You won't understand

most important work of my life, a nd I still see him today, three

how the ambiance

of the Spa

changes when it becomes a sanctuary of warmth between

years later.

the dining ha ll and your next class. You can't wrap your mind

Not everyone has this kind of experience

with the

around just how trapped you might fee l after wa lking the same

counselling ce nter- that much is c lear. As a former CA, I can 't

snow -packed sidewa lks on the same routes to the same places

count hovv many times I've accompa nied a distressed resident

every frigid day for months. You read my words here and they

to the counselling center on ly to have them get pushed back

make sense to you, but you won't u nderstand what I mean

to an appointment

unti I it happens.

of people w ho don't click with their first counsellors, and I

My experience with n1enta l illness at Co lby looked a

over two weeks away. I know of plenty

know some people w ho don 't think a ny of them ca n provide

lot like this. I knew what the signs and symptoms of depression

adeq uate care given the limited appointments

were, b ut I didn't know how viscera l they would feel. Dozens

a lso know that the co unselling center has saved at least two

of peop le had told me how they "couldn't

of my friends' lives- perhaps

get up in the

offered. But I

more literally than anyone

morning " when they were depressed and how badly it wou ld

wo uld like to admit - and I know that they do more work on

make them fee l abo ut themselves, and I listened with as much

students ' behalf than most students ever see. It is the mental

empathy as I co uld. But when I woke up, starving , beneath

health reso urce we've been given by o ur co llege, it's free, and

the covers of the same bed I'd been laying in for sixteen hours

it's a damn good p lace to start.

prior, looking up at a white cei ling and fut ile ly willing myself

I attribute most of the counse lling center 's shortcomi ngs to

to stand for the hundredt h time that day, I finally understood

its atroc ious understaffing. I blame the college for overlooking

what it means to be unable to get up. And I st ill felt so utterly

its importance

dejected at the thought. They told me I would feel that way,


but such warnings didn't make my helplessness sting any less.

vvit h regards to our men ta l health in many ways: they 've

Without the counse lling center, I would not be at

on this campus. In my experience

and the

of several friends, Colby has done right by us


us in the classroom , hired really amazing

Colby today. W he n I put the pieces together and realized that

co u nsellors, and contributed programmi ng and other resources

I was depressed, I called and got an appointment within the
week. The first co u nsellor I saw didn 't mesh with me at a ll,


but I quickly and easily switched to another counsellor that

in students utilizing the counselling center but no increase

I'd seen in group therapy for a previous issue. He took me

in staffing or accessib ility. Frankly, if Colby va lued mental

seriously and asked me questions w ith sincere interest. He

health services like it says it does, it'd put its money where its

referred me to the psychiatrist on campus and I was started on

mouth is. Yet I keep referring peop le to the co un selling center

medication for genera l depression. As I kept seeing him , he

beca use it's fucking hard to own up to the fact that you might

learned a ll about me , remembered things I told him, and made

need help, and people who do ought to have access to quick

co n nectio ns for me. Most importantly for me, he repeated

and meaningful care as soon as the y've built up the courage to

back to me the words that I was using to characterize

admit it. The couns e lling center is a free and accessib le on -site



dest igmatizing



However ,

the facts remain th at Colby has had a significant increase

behaviors and attit udes, and he asked whether or not I thought
I was bei ng fair to myself. Usua lly I had to say no. He he lped

IT'S WO RTH ITTO GO, continued page 21

September 4, 2018 7

By AmyaBhalla
istory is in the eye of the beholder , so picture
this: 200 students packed in the lobby of the
student's union, which at the time (early 90s)
was Roberts Hall. They are holding posters and
chanting together in mass demonstratio n, all while the boa rd
of trustees meetings proceeds only one thin wall away.
I was introduced to this scene while read ing Earl Smith's
history of Colby College, Mayflower Hill. As a Social Justice
Intern at the Library's Special Collections, I thought it would
be useful to read the history of Colby College to learn more
abo ut past student act ivism. But in Mayflower Hill, Earl Smith
writes more abo ut the "strenuo us" effort the admin istration
had to put into "managing diversity" (342), than he does abo ut
students' struggles and their organizing.
He writes that "stude nts
clogged the lobby and
Union" ... even though the
administrat ion was giving
them "new opportunities
for dialogue , students said
there wasn't e nough".
Of course, "Cotter, ever
eager for the facts, leaned

even known abo ut these protests and my fellow students'
accompl ishme nts had it not been for the website started in
2001 under the guida nce of Education Professor Mark Tappan.
College campuses are unique in that the majority of people
that inhab it them cycle o ut every four years. The result is a
dynam ic place that changes drastically in composit ion, yet
somehow manages to stay the same. Perhaps that is because
of the static nature of the few peop le who co ntrol it. However,
to focus on them wou ld be a loss as they are not the everyday
of life on campus. Students, professors, and staff members are
the everyday of Colby, and their lives are the peop le's history
of Colby College.
How do we ensure that their stories remain here? Colby
College, like any other place , has bee n, and still is, a site
of struggle and protest.
Unfortunately, there is a
limited pool of openly
available resources that
allow people to find that
history. As a result, most of
it is passed down as word of
mouth or, sadly, lost.
We need a tool for
younger generations who
find themselves up against
the same issues as those that o lder generat ions faced before
them. And if the adm inistration wi ll not write our stories, then
we will write them ourselves.
People's History of Colby is an on line historica l co llection of
protest and activism at Colby. Its goal is to provide a resource
for stude nts, facu lty and staff at Colby, which can allow them
to inform their current work on struggles and achievements of
the past. Please check it out at
and take a look at the 3 decade timeline in this disorientatio n
guide -- I hope it some how influences your time at Colby.


over the railing and
called for an example. Someone from down below yelled that
despite repeated student complai nts, the Roberts Dining Hall
had been out of strawberry jam for a week" (Smith 343).
Smith's account of stude nt act ivism, along with being sparse,
is so clea rly doctored to the advantage of the admin istration
and deliberate ly makes students appear like spoilt, hypersensitive, wolf-crying duds.
History is biased, we all know that. But I want to give you,
my dear first years, both sides of this story. Surprise! There
is more to student act ivism than unsat isfactory supp ly of
strawberry jam.
Protests in 1994 and 1999 had a larger attendance and
accon1plished more materially than the one Smith chose to
write about. These protests, convenie ntly left out of Mayflower
Hill, focused on issues that lower income , first generation,
and stude nts of co lor faced on camp us. I wou ld not have
8 Outside C,olb


Stud .ents protest lack of student
representation in . the administration
during trustees n1eetings in Roberts


Students begin camp ,us devision of
Students O:rganized Against Racism
(S0AR) and soon ha over 100



Students of Co ,lor
Unite ,d for Change
demand multicultural
housing an d better
treatment for students
of co,lor o.n campus*


A eries of anti-Semitic crimes
sparks a large rally against hate

on . campus .


Pugh Center Opens as a result of the
1994 protest by Students of Color
United for Change

With den"tands aimed at fighting
institutional racism, Colby students ,
stage a sit-in at P'resident Cotter,s


Ee'. 1141
' C'attcr.,

of 1M




· Prnldttnf Jo.IA W~orAi
(ram 11K opcllffl/1e l"'ll'IIIOIIJf.



September 4, 2018 9


The Posse Program begins at Colby,
in which the o,rganiization, Posse
Foundation, recruit and trains diverse
st1-1den.ts1--vhohave superb leadership
abilities and extrao ,rdinary academic
potential fo,r enrolln--ient into the best
colleges and univ ·ersities in the United


A gro up of :tuden ·ts of
colori in coalition ,vith a
,group of queer students,
organized a ilent protest
against institutional racism
and heterosexisn-i at Colby
during the spring .Board of
Trustees n1eeting~ Calling
then-iselves the "Coalition foir
lnst:itutio .nal Accountability,-,




Insensitive Cin .co de Mayo , party invite
on Facebook sparks protest

Student , faculty,
and staff occupy
the Pulver Pavilion
to p,rotest racial
insensitivity at
Colb ,y.

10 Outsjde Colby



A Hawaiian . Lu'au theme for the
First Day of Loudness sparks
controversy .

Two male students of color
assaulted by Security in the
Cente:r. 1he incident sp,arks
of protest, dialogue, and an

a week


P ush for a gender, sexuality reso1l.1rce





Mu les Against Violence (MAV) i •.estab ,lished
by stt1dents to raise awareness and promo te
c~nve:rsation abou sexual vio ,lence and
:masculinity · at Colby.

Uzoma O:rchingwa
, 14 p·remieres his
new film, ".Black
on the Hill; · which
do ,cuments the
exp ·erience of
students rof co~or at
Co lby.


' <Hate is Not a. Colby
Value").protests in Sp,rin ,g
of 2011 - in response to
homophobic vandalism


A team of students premiere the film
"Bicentennial;:' which explores race, .
.o,cial class, and learning differences at


Stt1dents affiliated
with C(ReciaiinColby:~
unexpectedly step up
to the microphone
in Lorim .er Chap ,eI
following President
B ro n s',
W 1·u·


United for Better Dining Service ,
(UB DS) officia11yactive in Feb ,ruary

First SOBHU organized . die-in


B,icentenniaE Ad .dress
on Feb ·rua:ry 27th .

Students and faculty come 'together in
response to a number of racist posts
on . Yilk Yak concernin .g a Black Lives
Matter protest


A student p,hysically harassed in a homophob,ic
enco ,11nter in the Alfond Apartn1ents, alleged rape
goes unpunished, and three students of colo:r ~re
assaulted 0 n an off-can-ipus party bus - all leading to
an unprecedented number of students and faculty
taking to the civil discourse to voice their opinions on

the chain <(Beware What You Practice .. ."

Students organize
Melanin March in
Ap ,ril

Maine March for
Racial Justice takes
place in October~
organized by Colby

September 4, 20 8 11


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By Dylan Shaw
re you poor? Or at least th ink yo u're

always have this sense. It can feel at times that your

poor? Or even just felt poor? Don't
worry, you' re not alone. But also:
Worry. Because yo u're in rich kid

peers will simply forget that not everyone around them
is rich, because you're in rich kid \,vorld. There are
poor people here, but the point of rich kid world is to


now. You're a rich kid, even if you're not.
There are a few kinds of poor: There's below the
povert y line, there's hovering above the poverty line,

pretend yo u belong when you don't. So that's what you
There's a very odd pressure here. Nobod y in

and there's what I like to call the poor middle class.
The poor middle class like to pretend they're middle
c lass, but one family emergency or mistake will put

particular will make yo u feel lesser because of yo ur
family's income. But that's probably because people
wouldn't know. Because people don't talk about

them back for years. There's
also the fake poor: those
who have lived in middle to
upper class but have been
surrounded by those with
higher income and assume
that they're kinda poor.
These are the kind of people
who think 16k is a lot of


financial aid. Then there's
everyone else at Colby,
which is ... a lot of people.

money. Because it's
somehow taboo.
Because people from
different income
backgrounds don't often
know what living with
a different income is
like. Both poor and rich
people forget about
wealth discrepancies.
People don't talk about
it, and most peop le

Colby can be a culture
shock. You could grow up saving everything you have to

won't know how.
eventual ly find people who are in a simi lar situation to

help out with bills. Every purchase throughout life cou ld
have its own weight to it. But not at Colby. At Colby,
everything seems to be about excess. Living large and

you, and it may be a breath of fresh air. You'll suddenly
have a glimpse outside of rich kid world, if only for
a fleeting moment. Chances are, yo u'll find you rself

not being afraid to flaunt it. And of course, if it seems
like a lot of peop le are flaunting, yo u have to too, right?
Or if yo u're not, at least act like yo u are. Pretend money

losing this glimpse pretty quickly and being pulled back
into the bubble world of Colby. Some people don't live
in the world where going out to eat twice in one month

isn't an issue. Not necessarily in yo ur actual spending
habits, but in how yo u phrase your speech. It's not that
yo u can't afford to eat out, it's that you're too tired. It's

is a mistake. Some people don't live in a world where
going out to eat once a year is a mistake. Some people
don't live in the world where $500 is the difference

not that yo u can't afford a functional smartphone, it's
that you like the simpler charm of yo ur dumb phone, or
living without one at all.

between being able to attend Colby and having to
take a semester or more off. Some people don't live in
the world where the fear of dropping out to help you r

You wouldn't want to complain about these
things, because yo u're sure there's always somebody
who's worse off than yo u. But some people won't

family \,vith bills or medical payments looms over yo u.
Because this is rich kid world, and in rich kid world,
"poor" is forgotten.

12 Outside C-Ol


.. . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . ... . . . . . .. . . . . . ... . . . . . .. . . . . . ... . . . . . . .. . . . . .... . . . . . . . . . . . .... . . . . . . . . . . . .... . . . . . . . . . . . . ... . . . . . .

By Nizar Kaddouri
f you're an inter nat ional student, these first few weeks

in the wi nter, was a dreadf ul experience. Roads to and from

must seem like a rolle rcoaster. During these co nfusing

Colby were not pedestrian -friend ly, and the j itney was often

times, allow me to briefly share some thoughts on my

over loaded. There was genera lly little to see arou nd anyway.

fi rst year at Co lby and the chal lenges of cultu re shock .

Life on campus was also boring. Every bu ild ing looked the

My honeymoo n w ith Colby and America ended on

same, and meet ing frie nds ofte n meant cramming ourselves

move- in day. I woke up to the noise of cars and desperate

into small doubles or triples in Pe-W i and East. Co lby tru ly

parents trying to move furniture into their ch ild's room. My

felt like a bubble on the edge of a world that had nothing

roommate had brought his whole room with him, spread

to offer. I resigned myself to staying on campus, w hich on ly

across th ree cars. For someone w ho came here with two

worsened my we llbei ng. I felt stuck, and t ime gradua lly lost

suitcases, this seemed absurd .

its meani ng.

Domestic students we re goi ng arou nd asking each

Many of these issues eventual ly improved or became

other abo ut people they

insignificant , but one stuck

knew at God -knows-what

aro und through the years:

schoo l in Massachusetts.


an alien, the w hole t ime.

Everyone was bo nding
over Ame rican footba ll,

feeling differe nt. I felt like


Colby cultu re seemed so

baseball, Boston, or basically

mo nolithic. People came

everything I was unfamilia r

from the same places and

with. Everyone seemed so

d id the same things. Mo ney

happy and exc ited, and fi rst-

meant Iitt le to many students.

year events kept the Hai l Co lby's coming . I felt trapped in my

Ath letes and frat boys had little regard for pub lic prope rty.

iso lation . What the hell had I gotte n myself into ...

I paid from my ow n pocket to cover for my c.Ns cocaine-

I thoug ht the start of courses would bri ng more
positiv ity into my life, but it simp ly aggravated the situat ion.

induced vanda lism.
I heard people speaking of visiting my home cou ntry

Afte r being told time and again abo ut academic rigor in the

fo r spring break w hile I wo uld be stuck on camp us. I felt

US, c lasses at Colby felt like a we t fart. I was stuck in c lasses

disdainful loo ks from peop le I had never interacted w ith,

that slow ly and repet itively introduced topics I had already

and when there was an opportu nity for domest ics and

studied. Throughout inter nat ional orientatio n, we were told

internat ionals to mix, each stuck to the ir respective camps. It

abo ut the need for frequent participation in class. I though t

seemed certain that I did n't belo ng, and was ju st brough t in

it wou ld mean engaged disc ussion among students, but (you

for good PR and divers ity numbers.

guessed it at this point ) no! Many people raised the ir hands

Colby can be an extremely disappoin t ing experience if you're

o nly to rephrase w hat the professor ju st said. D uring group

an international student. Life here may feel more restrict ive

projects, I was shocked to not ice how I sometimes spoke and

than what you were used to in your home count ry. If you al-

w rote better English than some America ns. For most of my

ready feel alienated, remember you' re not the only one. Find

fi rst year, the academic experience spectacu larly fai led to

a support network to keep you sane.

meet my expectatio ns.
Classes were not everyth ing though. I knew there

Most importan tl y, be loud and unapologetic, because the person you are and the place you come from stil l

was a life to live outs ide, but what was out there? Trees,

exist, distinct from this bubble of red br icks and snow. Things

empty roads, and old people. This is a broad simp lificat ion,

get better. You'll learn to shut out the bull shit and focus on

but it's w hat I saw whe n I f irst came here. Going to the

the silver lini ngs.

supermarke t, the mov ie theater, or Dow ntown, part icularly

September 4, 2018 13

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By Rache
l Ryan
Before you ask: no, I did not vote for Trump . Yet here
I am, writ ing an article in an attempt to bring a change
to Colby's future po litical climate for anyone not an
aggressive I iberal. I use the term "aggressively Ii bera I"
purposely, to explain that this narrative isn't just for
Trump supporters or those who see themselves as
extreme conservatives. No, this narrative is for anyone
that is on the spectrum from extremely conservative
to moderate ly liberal. If you are not the most liberal,
then you might have a hard time having a voice at
Co lby like I did. I'm not alone in this theory, but sadly,
few students are willing to speak up about their lack
of voice due to the aggressiveness of Colby's liberal
political climate. So here I am to tell my story, in the
hopes that future Colby students won't be afraid to
speak their mind like I was during the majority of my
time at Colby.
I spent a large portion of my Colby experience being
utter ly confused . This is because my entire life I have
been tormented for being a liberal. That's right, you
read it correctly. At every family reunion, I was tortured
with ridicule at being a liberal (I'm from Alabama FYI).
I believe in gun control, LGBTQ+ rights, immigration
reform, and better access to health care. I assumed
this meant I was a liberal. Turns out, this was a foolish
When I came to Colby, saying I was from A labama
was similar to painting a big, bright red target on my
back . I lost many friends because of their need to prove
I deserved th is target. I was everyone's favorite person
to fight \-Vith over politics . It almost fe lt like they were
seeking me out just to remind me I would never be
liberal enough to fi t in here . So not on ly was I the
stupid liberal at home in A labama, but I was also the
radica l conservative at Colby. Professors would almost
goad me into debates in c lass as if I was nothing but
the girl from Alabama- the conservative.
Example: Last year, I was asked by a professor
to moderate the Repub li can Gubernatorial Debate
because they couldn't find another student to do it. The
14 Outside C-O

girl who was tortured for being a libera l was apparently
the only "conservative" they could find at Co lby to
run this debate. How was I moderating this debate
when I voted for Hi l-dog and saw myself as liberal?
Well, I never found the answer and after moderating
the debate I received quite a few " side-eyes " from my
peers even though I didn't agree with the majority of
what was said in the debate . This judgment from my
peers used to scare me . I was constantly afraid to say
anything because no matter what I said, no matter
how liberal my opinions were, I was never libera l
enough for them. I would always be rejected because
I occasionally disagreed . These reactions eventually
made me quiet due to my fear of making anyone angry
at the slightest hint of my opinions not directly aligning
with theirs .
Th is fee li ng of having no voice was a large part of my
experience at Colby for a long time. And p lease don ' t
think I didn't try to find another way to exper ience
Colby . For example, I attempted to join a Colby club
that was focused on faith and spirituality . I' m not
religious but this, I thought, was far enough away from
po litics that I could be safe. Boy, was I wrong . At these
c lub meetings , we were often prompted to discuss how
our faith made us activists, which, of course, brought
up po li tics . I was very frustrated at this point , because
I'd come here to unde rstand people outside of politics ,
yet here it was: the ever present and overbearing libera l
po litical atmosphere .
After this experience, I came to a realization. Nothing
I cou ld do wou ld change this atmosphere . I told myself,
being quiet won ' t help because you'll never not be
from Alabama . They won't stop seeing you as a crazy
conservative because you think polit ical correctness
might have gone too far. So, I honestly learned to just
stop giving a sh*t. My advice to future Co lby students
is to not worry too much and don't lose your voice.
You're not stupid because you believe something
d ifferent. You're not a bad person because you're not

..., continued page 22


...... ... ..' .. . . ....... . ..' ... .. ........... . .. . ....... . ... ... . . ... .. . . .... .. . ...... .. .... .. ............. .. .. . ...... . ... .... . ... .... .... .. . . ...... . .... .. . . ....... .... .. . . ..' . .

was a sop homore at Colby when I had my first panic at-

awa y, and was to ld that the first available appo intment was

tack. I had always been a very anxio us person, but I dealt
with my anxiety by keeping myself as busy as possible

in three weeks. I get that counselors are busy and that more
emergent issues take precedence , but three weeks was a long
time to wait for someone who had never sought help before

and not letting myself th ink too long about it- maybe
not the healthiest way to go about it, but it worked for a while.

and didn 't know why she was crying all the time.

I never took medication or talked to anyone. I thought I was
fine and that it was perfectly norma l to not be able to fall

I pulled myself together as best as I could and then went
to my appointment , during which the counselor asked me if

asleep because I was fixating on everything from the lists of
things I needed to get done to hypothetical situations/interac -

I was just overreacting to a bad grade. I questioned whether I
vvas overreacting and quickly decided that I was not, in fact,

tions/confrontations I might experience the next day.

"being dramatic," and that there was an underlying problem

My first panic attack happened in the dining hall. I think
its cata lyst was

that was ca using n1e to be so tightly wound and unhappy.
I we nt to two

something dumb
like getting
lower grade than
I expected on an
assignment from
a professor that I
fragile (and angry
with myself for
feeling that way),
I went to lunch,
where one of my
friends made a
snide remark that
typica lly

(the second with


the same coun selor and the
third with a different one , who
was as equally
unhelpful as the
first) before go ing home


and talking to a
psychiatr ist
my town , who
prescribed antianxiety medica-


not have affected
me in the slightest. I felt super overwhe lmed and I basically

tion and put me
in contact with a counselor who helped me come up with

shut down; it felt like everything that I was doing was sud-

ways to cope with my anxiety and its effects.

den ly too much , to the point where I was debating on whether
or not I could make it to class that afternoon. For the next few

Two years later, I am now a much happie r senior, who is not
randomly crying while making breakfast. I have never been

days, I wo uld cry randomly - I'd be putting cream cheese on
my bagel and feel tears on my face for no appa rent reason ,

back to the counseling ce nter at Co lby, and sincerely do ubt
that I wi ll ever go back. I don't know if the counse lors I saw

which made me frustrated because I had no co ntro l over my
emotio ns and stress levels.

are still there - I've heard from some friends that there are
some great new staff members , but I just wanted to share my

I called my mom and told her what was going on, and she
asked if I was having suicidal thoughts (I wasn't ), and then she

experience so that if anyone else fee ls disheartened by the ir
interactions with the counseling center , they know that they

told me to make an appo intment with the counseling ce nter
(shout out to my mom, who rocks, by the way). I called right

are not alone and that there are other options.

September 4, 2018 15

....... ..... ,, ......................................................................................................................................................... .....


By TomCrisp



............ ............. ............. ' ........... .............. ' .......... ' ' ............ ' ........... ... .

uring September of my Freshman year, I
discovered about four thousand CDs on
the floor of the co ll ege's radio station.
Then October happened. By the time
November rolled around, I had removed myself from
two of my c lasses and basically failed a third. Don 't
get me wrong, my gui lt was enormous ...but standing
in one of WMHB Radio's dusty and disrepaired rooms,
all but flunked out and staring down thousands of
unshelved CDs, I felt calm. In that pi le of CDs, I saw a
future for myself. I saw a space where I could quietl y
pursue my own goals
for the next four
years, and that was


all I reall y needed.
The first
thing that I would
tell you, yo u lucky
freshman thing: Do
not m istake external
responsibility for
external validation.
At Colby, yo u will
meet with people 's
ideas unrealized
and talents both
precocious and immature. Be patient, as yo u will watch
these ideas come to fruition and these talents deve lop
and blossom. Be discerning, those that boast perfection
or present themse lves as invulnerab le are forgetting
not only the inestimable charm of humility, but further,
that the true pleasure of realizing one's ideas and
perfecting one's talents do not lie in one's ab ility to
announce them, but rather, in their ability to quietl y
and contentedly chase them .
For some, the tendency to seek disproportionate
val idation is exhibited externall y, with a vapid digita l
presence, or an unnecessary occupation of social
space which masks an insecure, projected reality. As
a student here, you will never be somewhere where it
wi II be easier to see success in others and understand
the relationship between you r life and their own,
their success and yo urs, their body; their demeanor;
their wea lth; their confidence; their femininity; their
16 Outside Colby

mascu lin ity, and yo ur own. If I could beg you to
cons ider one thing, it is that you will be forced (fair ly
consistently) over the next 4 years to make these
comparisons constantly and discriminately, and that
this will have a very real impact on you r psyche.
For me, that impact came qu ick ly and caught
me unprepared . The fall of my freshman year, this
unhealth y habit of making needless comparisons came
to a fore, and the semester y ielded one B and one
D, which, despite being my best effort, landed me in
(acade micall y) boiling hot \\later. For the last 2 weeks
of November , I had spent the best part of 7 hours a day
sorting about 4,000 CDs by their release date and their
genre, and then placing
those CDs back onto
the long-undisturbed
shelves of Colby
Co llege's radio station.
Due to the largess of
one of my professors, I
managed to remain at
Co lby. However , it had
become abundantly
c lear that my passion
for learning, and what
that learning then
manifested itself as,
were comp letely at
odds ... and I can assure yo u, I was far more interested
in the Iatter.
The radio gave me reason to keep pushing ,
and each semester since, I have been presented w ith
more and more reasons to bel ieve that I made the right
choice to stay. Taking ownership of my own mental
health, along with a new, material responsibi lity at the
radio station provided me with a deep understanding
of the rich mental benefits that come with external
responsibility, and the tempering effect that such
a relationship can have on one's own (natural ,
health y and understandable! ) tendenc y to constantly
question their own sense of socia l and personal
belonging . Finding a space in which you can be free
from this pressure, and be val idated intrinsically, not
contingent ly. ..
that's fucking key.



.. . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .... . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . .. . . . . . ... . . . . . .. . . . . . ... . . . . . . .. . . . . .... . . . . . . . . . . . .... . . . . . . . . . . . .... . . . . . . . . . . . . ... . . . . . .

By EHopf
hen I first got to Colby, brig ht-eyed,

Example: If I were to hypot hetica lly be having a crisis, do

bushy-tailed, and hopeful, I could only

you have any resources you wou ld po int n1e to?

imagine college wou ld be what I had




broch ures.

I know one and two on my list are very close ly
related, but I do want to add something: If you have

My guesses we re about as w rong as they co uld have been.

menta l or physica l i ll nesses and are wor ried abo ut how

I hope that what I w rite, and what everyone else in this

they will affect your academics, talk to the disab ility

guide w rites, wil l make the potential disillusionme nt and

services coo rdi nator, Kate McLaugh lin. Ask what kind of

frustration w ith Co lby a gentler process than it was for

documentation you need to provide to get accommoda t ions.

me . I have three topics I'd like to address here: mandato ry

It can be a scary and arduous process, but it is so important

report ing, me ntal health, and being a trans person on campus.

to have help. Some professors are really great about your


taught me that there were mandato ry

accommodatio ns, but some of them require a little more

reporters on camp us, but I thought it was only in regards to

pushing, and it's so important to have your someone in you r

sexual misconduct, because I hadn't heard anyo ne talk abo ut

corner to help you with that when you're havi ng a tough

it in any other context. In the first few days, I went to tell


my CA that I was self-harming and suicidal (even though I

I am a nonbinary trans guy. From even before I got

was try ing so hard not to

here, I was bumping up

give in). It felt important

against an infrastructu re

to have son1eone in the

that had no room for

building who knew where


fi rst year housing being

I was at mental ly, just in
case I needed her help .



rode w ith me to the ER
late r that

fal l when


someo ne like me. From


assigned by biologica l
sex, to gendered
bathrooms, the schoo l
did not provide a space

became necessary, and I

on camp us that I cou ld

am so grateful I had her

exist in, so I had to

support. Your Cks can be

make some.
There are now 40 gender-neutral restrooms on

such an importan t resource for you, and I highly recommend
going to talk to them, even if it's just small- talk.
This conversat ion was more of a summary than an

can1pus, and we're pushing for more. Despite some of the
problems we 've add ressed, there is still a lack of visibi lity for

eme rgency; however, w hen she asked, " Do you feel like

trans people and the obstacles we face on ca,npus, and that

hurting yourself right now?" I didn't wa nt to lie to her, so I

invisibility can be crushing. In such a cissexist society, you

said yes. That fee lin g never really goes away, even if I wasn't

don't have to go far to hear, see, or expe rience something

act ively plann ing to hurt myself that night. This adm ission of

hurtful. But there are spaces and people who are supportive

the danger I posed to myself meant that my CA had to cal l

and caring. If you need help , advice, someone to rant to, or

Security, resulting in an awkwa rd co nversatio n that led to

just someone w ho gets it and doesn't make you feel so alone,

me talking my way out of a trip to the hospital. I really did

you can email my club co lbycollegetrc @gmai It's so

not want to go to the hospital in my f irst wee k here, whether

much better here w hen you have people arou nd you w ho get

it wou ld have helped me or not. I'm not telling you to keep


your pain secret. Rather, if it is not an emergency (or even if
it is), you can talk to mandatory reporters in hypotheticals.

September 4, 2018 17

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By SarahRockford
f you aren' t at least a litt le disoriented at Colby
you're probably zombie sleepwa lking your way
through college. Being suddenly de-contextualized from your family, community, high school
and sense of p lace is a strange experience. All the
more so if you come to Colby and find yourself representing a small religious minority .
I came to Co lby as a "Feb Frosh" in January of 2012.
By the time I arrived in Waterville from D ijon , France
(and origina lly from Denver, Co lorado ) I felt li ke I'd
spun around so many times I no longer knew which
way was up. Everything was new, different and confusing. I'd never seen LL Bean Boots in my life, but
they seemed to be part of the standard uniform . I, on
the other hand felt like Dorothy with red sli ppers onvery, very far from proverbial Kansas.
Growing up in a Conservative Jewish household,
my family life was structured around tradit ion . With
two working parents, Friday night Shabbat dinners
were the on ly mea l of the week we al l sat down to a
mea l together. Time and space organized themse lves
around Jewish tradition in my family, and when I arrived at Colby, I found a curious hole where the ambient noise of my fam ily life and Jewish tradit ion used to
be. I remember feeling unsure of how to assert who I
was, where I came from, and what I be li eved in as part
of this mass of new students . Finding Hillel gave me
a landmark with which to orient myself, and establish
who I was, and in what direct ion I was moving .
A friend dragged me to my first Hillel Shabbat dinner ... thank goodness they did .
I found my peers who loathed Matzah for Passover
Iike I did rather than the non-Jewish students who ate
it for sport and thought it was "kind of good". Eat it for
a week straight and we'll talk . Having a tribe of people didn ' t make college smooth sailing, but it certain ly
gave sense and o rder to the identity I was building for
myself as a student.
Hillel also gave me a p latform from which to create
the kind of spaces I wanted to see on campus - things
18 Outside C-O

no one else was offering . The cornerstone of this p latform was Shabbat dinner , which we made for th irty
students and a few faculty each week . A simple Shabbat meal became a powerful tool to not only feed peop le, but to create room for conversation and a respite
from the frenetic pace of academic and social life at
Colby - a sacred time apart.
Several years hence, Jewish life at Colby and in Watervi lle has continued to grow and evo lve. Several
years after graduation, I am back working in this same
community - now as the program coordinator for the
Center for Small Town Jewish Life. In fact, there are so
many people and institutions here for students it's hard
to keep them all straight. You might have to quit schoo l
(or graduate and then come back as staff) in order to
attend all of the Jewish events and offerings at Co lby
and in Watervi I le.
Here is a primer on who vve are, what we do and
how to find what you're looking for:
The Center for Small Town Jewish Life- The Center
offers programming and student leadership opportunities that create opportunities to work in the Jewish
community off campus, and bui Id relationships w ith
other Jewish students and people across the state of
Maine .
The Jewish Studies Program - Colby offers courses on
everything from biblical Israel to the State of Israel to
Jews in the State of Maine. You'll also find many opportunities to learn about Jewish subjects outside the
c lassroom .
Hillel - Colby Hille l is the home of Jewish life on
campus . From home-cooked Shabbat dinners and
H igh Holiday ce lebrations to social events and learning , Hi ll el provides a Jewish community and rabbinical support to students at Co lby.
Beth Israel - Beth Israel is the synagogue in Waterv i I le. Students attend services, observe holidays, and
col labo rate with the congregation throughout the year.
Students are always welcome at Beth Israel events, and
JEWISHAT COLBY, continued page 22

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By BenWebb
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he cu lture at Colby tends to drive people into the

ries of my small group of queer friends. The truth lies in how

closet. A good friend w ho graduated two years ago
described the gay scene at Colby like this: All of

comfortable yo u are wit h you rself; Colby does a poor j ob of
making it known that you are welcome and loved, no mat-

the (predominantl y white ) males are so deeply attached to their privilege, that while they may come out in a

ter who you are. I wo uld l ike to think that I've made my ow n
commu nity of welcomi ng, and I know that you can as we ll.

couple of years, for college they are going to bask in their pr iv-



The summer before my freshman year I read a book called
Ope nly Straight. It's a book about a high schoo ler named Rafe
who has been ope nly gay since midd le school. He moves to a
private high schoo l in Massachusetts where he decides to hide
his sexual ity from his new classmates. The scary part for me
was that Rafe is from my home town , and instead of going to a
private high schoo l in the northeast I went to a private co llege.
Being gay at Colby isn't fun. Com ing into co llege I wasn't full y
comfor table with my sexuali ty, and the last thing I wa nted was
to be remembe red as the gay kid; so, I didn 't engage with The
Bridge, in which it sometimes feels like there isn't room for
someone to still be so remarkably uncomfortable wi th being
themself. I am not sure if that is a product of small school or



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something else; nonetheless, I decided I wo u Id rather try to be
defined by my enthusiasm for sharks than my sexuality. For the
first semester, just like Rafe, I went back into the closet. Eventuall y I decid ed that wasn't what I wanted from my college
experience. So I we nt on Grindr and Tinder. Tinder tends to be
a lot more PG because you have to match each other, but on
Grindr, people w ill message you and ask for a picture of your
face, at which point they ghost you .
This is just my story, although I fi nd simi larit ies in the sto-

September4, 2018 19


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ecognizing those that have lifted us is one of the

knows them we ll or not.

most importa nt thi ngs we can do.
To whoever is reading this, I cha llenge yo u to ac-

Esther Mathieu '17. She rs an amazing person w ho has

knowledge the love and support that has brought

worked behind the scenes at Colby to co nnect people and

you here. W hether that be your parents, your friends, or even

create a real ly healthy commu nity, even after she left (and

a person who has inspired you from afar- reach out. Write a

she's also an amazing writer and her presence at open mies

letter to one of these people and slip it in their mailbox. You

made so many people more comfo rtable ).

never know when someone needs to be reminded of their irnportance to you.
So, let me leave you w ith this- my secret Hero is Dean of

Admission Committee . Thanks for incl uding me to be part

of Colby.

Religious and Spiritual Life Kurt Nelson . Thank you for being
an incredible ally, mentor, and friend. Your support has carried

Karen Ledger. She has been at Co lby for over 30 years, runs

me thro ugh lows, highs and mediums. The mu ltitude of com -

events services, and knows so much about Colby that she is

munit ies that you foster on this camp us have kept so many

a wealth of information when p lannin g an event on campus .

people , incl uding myself, afloat. Thank yo u.
The fo llowi ng are anonymous subm issions of gratitude by
members of the Co lby community.

Who are your secret heroes?

Andre (Spa). He genuinely cares abo ut the students and it

shows through his actions.
Kim Kenniston. Kim makes sure that everyone o n campus

has a roof over their head. You can go to her with any problem
Nikki from the Spa!!! Seeing and chatting with Nikki every

mor nin g makes my day inf initel y better. She's wa rm, cari ng,

and she wi ll have a solution. We are all lucky knowing that
Kim has our backs.

energetic, and makes Co lby feel like home to me. Go to the
Spa to use your board swipe for a bagel & coffee, and stay
because N ikki helps you start your day off feel ing like a mil-

Katie Sawyer. Katie Sawyer makes sure that students on

camp us have access to wellness resources all across campus.

lion bucks.
Emily Schustebauer. Emily has served in a few diffe rent
Laura Jensen (' 17). She was one of my biggest feminist role

mode ls.

roles at Colb y, but each t ime I've needed her she has had my
back. W hether she's running the sexual viole nce preventio n
program , advisi ng students and club leaders, or advocating

Cindy who works in Dana- she knows so many students by

the ir name and everything about them , goes out of her way to

for students in Title IX, she always has had our best interests
at heart.

go to events to support students, and puts so much care and
considera t ion into her work at the dining hall. She makes me
smile and calm down each time I see her.

Emma Hunter . Emma is the lead Coordinator of the CAPS

program here at Colby, howeve r, she's been so much more
than that. Emma has been a support system for myself as well

Margaret McFadde n. She is true , kind , bril liant, and fair. A

great boss and provost.

as other CAPS members. Whether it was inv iting me to her
house for a Thanksgiving meal, helping w ith job applications,
or just bei ng a good shou lder to cry on/ta lk to when things

Amy LoTemplio '19. I've never seen her not smi le, nor have

I seen anybody that talks to her not smile , no matter if she

20 OutsideCdby

were tough Emma was always there for me. I will always admire Emma for her caring and contagio us personality.

(Continued from page 4)

Upon attending music concerts, beyond the
c lassical concerts I was used to, I found amazing
student turnout. Add itiona ll y, though not religiously
affi liated, I attended a few Multifaith meetings by
the recommendat ions of fr iends and saw the passion
people had for their faith and for fostering a greater
to lerance and venues of exposure to different faiths on
campus . I also saw students demonstrate an incredible
dedication to research and an eagerness to expand
know ledge across a var iety of academic departments ,
which cu lminated in a unique celebration of academia
at the Co lby Liberal A rts Symposium.
I found many of Colby's strengths in its
subtleties. Without participating in ath letics, I had to
be intentional in seeking out less visible groups on
campus . Student artists, student writers , and student
academics as well as student athletes can find a p lace
and thrive within the Colby community . The people
you may be looking for, the peop le to share your

interests with, do exist despite what may immediately
be apparent upon experiencing the Colby landscape .
If at first you're faced with a lack of people with whom
to share your passions, share it first with yourself .
Take the time to master your craft and understand it
enough to share it with others who may not have been
exposed to your art before . Be open to finding groups
of people who share similar , but maybe not exactly
the same, interests. Colby is a place where you need
to be open because your experience at Co lby can take
form in any way you want it to. Through a negative
lens, Co lby can be reduced to a bottomless list of flaws
and shortcomings. But if you can keep an open mind
and a curiosity for different activities , Co lby is ful I of
potentia l and is a p lace that is cont inuous ly humbling .
Whatever you make of it, Colby does have what you're
look ing for . It just might take some patience and
persistence to find it.

IT10 GO:
(Continued from page 7)
service for help with managi ng emotio nal and menta l well -

and greater resources for those of us struggling. Don't let them

being, and I bel ieve that it works. It's worked for me, and

showboat a concer n for menta l health w ith guest speakers and

it's worked for some of my friends. The co unselling center's

PR campaig ns while neglecting to expand co unselling services

shortcomings come from a lack of resources, not from an

such that it can fu lly accommodate the need on camp us. Take

inherent inadequacy that should deter people from seeking

mental health more serious ly tha n Colby does, but also take


a chance on trusting the individuals already in place to help.

So, if your mental or emotional health are getting in the way

I believe they will do right by you, or at least point you in the

of your life, I imp lore yo u to be brave, call, and try counselling

direction of other resources if they can't give you what yo u

as a tool for coping with the hard shit at Colby Col lege. But

need themse lves. It's worth it.

I also implore yo u to dema nd from the co llege better care






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Septmeber4 , 20 18 21

(Continued from page 14)

a full-fledged libera l. There is nothing wrong with not
agreeing. As my lord and savior Ruth Bader Ginsburg

I am framed as a conservative when I agree with the
majority of people's beliefs at Co lby. I'm not angry

loves to say, "I dissent"; If RBG can do it in supreme
court, we can do it here . So join the debate team
and learn to speak up for you rself. Join the Goldfarb

with liberal po li tics, I am just confused as to why the
Colby community only allows for those politics in the
most extreme. No one should be forced to not have

Center so that you can use yo ur voice in Co lby's po li cy
center. I urge any student reading this to stop worrying
that you're not libera l enough. You don't have to be,

a voice in their education; I can attest to the fact that
it forces you to miss out on a lot of college life. So
go have a voice even if it's not the voice peop le want

I promise . It may be hard, but don't let that ruin your
col lege experience.
Long story short, I'm sti ll a litt le confused about why

to hear. You have that right, and peop le may come
to realize that yo u might just have a point. Co lby is
always changing and I hope you and I can change it

this is Colby's political atmosphere. I sti ll wonder why

for the better together .

(Continued from page 16}

Colby's heritage is one that has been built
on socio-economic stilts, which (always passively,
and often actively) attempt to justify the exc lusion of
a great major ity for the benefit of a smal l minority.
Colby is also a place that will force you to confront
the humanit y, dignity, and kindness (or lack thereof)
of many people who do not talk like you talk, think
like you think, or behave as yo u behave. You must fix
you rself to something here and see it for what it is,
however broken, decrepit, abandoned or consigned
it is, and whether that be a building or band, a team
or a c lub, a friendship or a romance . You will quickly
find that Colby is not the schoo l that yo u thought it
would be. Whether that turns out to be a positive

discrepancy or a negative one, that's up to you and your
own willingness to shun the temp t ation of kicking the can
down the road.

If yo u are interested in seeing what became of the radio
station, you should come down and v isit us - we're
in the basement of Bobs. I think you' ll be pleasantly
surprised .
Do not forget that your time here wi ll end sooner than
you know, and that finding something with which to
weather it does not depend on your abil ity to listen to
the administration, professors, or even your friends, but
rather your own creativity and sense of meaning. So
find some\-vhere, something, or someone to keep you
warm, the w inter's here are long.

(Continued from page 18}

the congregation loves getting to know students from
Co lby.

even when it is difficult. If yo u have questions about
Jewish li fe at Colby, email me and I'd love to take you

It's hard to be different at Co lby, but if you have community and a sense of who you are, this difference can
also become a powerful tool and sou rce of pride. As-

out to coffee: sjrockfo@co

serting my place among the token Jews at Col by was
never the path of least resistance, but it was the path
that gave meaning, context and an opportun ity for personal growth few of my peers had access to. I hope
you too hold on to your unique identity with pride,
22 Outside Colby

September4, 2018 23


Keep a look out for our event with Special Collections College
Archives coming up in the last week of September 2018!

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