Gateway Features presents The Lost Innocence: Prehisorientation: Something Has Survived Alcohol Poisoning (University of Alberta, 2011)

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Title

Gateway Features presents The Lost Innocence: Prehisorientation: Something Has Survived Alcohol Poisoning (University of Alberta, 2011)

Date

2011

Place

Edmonton, Alberta

Source

https://issuu.com/the_gateway/docs/disorientation2011

extracted text

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';i' hese

things happen .
U You have a few friends
over for drinks, one thing leads ·
to another and someone bumps ·
the OFF button for the electric
fence. Now you 're stuck fleeing f6r
your life from prehistoric terrors. 1





if

till, one has to find time to
J.) unwind while running for your
life in Cretaceous Campus . This
handy brochure will give you the
very best info on potent brews.
local watering holes , mating prac tices, and recovering from a wild
night in the park .

RING HOLEI

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IPRD ORDDAIL
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hen the electric fences have failed , T-Rexes have smashed your jeep to bits,
and your best friend has been eaten, you have two ways to face your predic•
ament: cry like a little bitch or man up and drink your sorrows away. We've come
up with a few alcoholic beverages that can help you deal with this godforsaken
campus. They may not bring back your poor friend whose body is now in three
different velociraptors' stomachs , but they sure taste damn good.

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THE MOSQUITO' l
• 1 ounce. Sambuca
• 1 ounce Clameto
• Dash of Tabasco

Pour en o un ce ol sambuc:a. louowed Dy
an ounce ol Clamato i nto a shot glass
and finish It off with Tabasco

ta,ty-

~ ltln!IS

fast and herd.
and
might get llct,ya llltlo llter ,
but • s rela1M!ly hernllei< The sembuca
and Tabasco add a sharpbite ID sweetand
salty elem jUICeand <11n111l1tes
)Our appeIlle. fflllun9a
S,S lft""""I
boost 111the
Ths

I"'"-

perlect ID <tan Off • good night (Or
I good no9I\Ithlt lllnl lll!mbly badl For
bon.np0w,u ldd11p1a1h oldinosaurDNA.
and tn a 1110( glass made of amber

YELOCIRAPTOR'
• 1 ounce Gree n Cr~me de Menthe
• 1 ounce Blue Cura~o
• Splash of Angostura Bitters
In a shot glass. pour an ounce of blue
curacao and an ounce of green creme
de menthe. and Just dab Jn some bitters
to kick the taste up a notch .

This perky little shot is ight and bright. but
~ its very dangefous in large ntnben . Thsdmkwilget)OUOO)O!.<
feet and
"81e up e,en lhe sorest party p00pen . The
minty citrus combination is wety and just
enough. but can be a little suga,y .
so dOnt indulge too rnu:h. Its also Ileen
choien as lhe tradibonat drink ol choice
e,ery Apnl IS ID celebme \lelociroplor
A'MWetlleSS

Day

8RONTOIAURUI '
• l ounceMerasehlno
• 1 pint or Rickard 's White (or other
unnttered wheat beer of your ct,Olce)
Drop a shot glass ol ma,aschlno into•
pint of unllttered wheat beer . Simple••
that

r

TRICERATOPS '

• 1 ounce Strawberry
Schnapps
• 1 ounce Raspberry

Sourpuss
• 1 ounce Vodka
• 6 ounces Orange
Juice
• Lemon Slice,;
• Mint
• Sell end Pepper

Shake the sd\napps .
Sourpuss . vodka and
juke ove,. ice .. and strain
tnto a YA-and-peppernmmed highball glass .
Garrvsh with three
lemon lllce-s and mmt
leaf

It may IOOkdangerous It ~l but INI coc:ktaol111911)'
ql.i1ea slmPlecreoc...., and <BIY ID handle. The sell and
pepper add a botor a kockID , ptetty much a well ·
cJlllted jungle 1uoce.Oont be ID be ...,., WIii>a
bnghl o,ange dnnk !Illetm . lhelemon slJces makeIt look
,.., scary -I scary..-d

II fancy cock1111
1 arern )Our

~

uy

sp,::ln9up)Ourfe9Ulllrpj,.ol-1lowlth
punch The maraschino adds
a
chen'y owenonelhlll compll ·
,_. , lhe lho:k smooth beer. making)Our
ptntjusta llttlebellerll'olne,eryoneeue ·s.
for bonu, potntr)'Oucan ttvow In anac:tual
ctteny lmafaschnoed or othorMsel lo add
a w,eet v111.Bl
touch

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~LBERTOIAURUI
• 1 ounce Alberta Premium
• 1 ounce Blad< Velvet
• 1 ounce canadfan Club
• 1 ounce Crown Royal
• 1 ounce Royal Reserve
• l ounce Wiser·s Deluxe
• Tonic Water
• Ice
• Pepperoni stick

Mix the whiskies In a tall CoWns glass
with Ice end top off with toni c water
Garnish with an ell •beel pepperoni

stick ,

R)e.and loU of It. for the true Albertan, tt's
a rtrong. powerful ma. and allow, )OU lo
assert )'OUr -,;ty°""'
)O!.< lowly peers.
Noonewillmes Wlthal'l)OnebriHeerough
ID talceon the Albertosawu1 Truemen can
subsblUle thelDnoc......,. Withbeef stock

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Pop in your wor-nVHScopy or JurassicParl(.into yc>ll prettstoncVHSp lay-erandstan. watching. Take a d rink
every time you see a camivo rous dinosaur doing sometnng a~
or whef\e-..erMalcom talks about
chaos theory . If the movie gets science wrong , drink tw~ and if you don't care because itkicksassaf'f'jWWJ,
drink another. If you see a raptor, drink three times. because the other tworaptOf'S.s-nuckup on .,out dead
ass. And whenever o ne of those kids is too smart. finish yotX dri,..

Flying Dinosaurs
You' re going to need someveloci raptor fig urines for thsone. Otvtde ntotwoteams,
fac;ng each olhet, and
Une up glas.sesof beer for everyone. Ncxl, construct a s,mplelevermechanism
fof'eachpt.ayer - a N l'd Rat

surloce re-sting o n a pivot - and pl ace your velodraptor fig11i'les on them . The aim is to flip your figurine
into the beer of tho o ppoi ing t eam. b efo re they get theirs ,n you-s . Shoe.Ada veloorapta, SUCCM$fully fly
t hrough th e air and land In a beer . that player has to chug:uni.I they're abl~ \O w-esuethat d.nosaur ou l
with Lhci r t eet h . In Lhe absence ol Llr,y velocirapto, figutrnes.dinosaur-Shapedgi.rnmycandy makea goocJ
s.ubSl.ltule . ond cnn be e:iu:n In lr lumph.

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Gel yourselr Lhc game of Dlno-opoly , Veoh, IL's Monopotyw,lh cinosaurs
. Now . whenew, 10meonc londs
on a dlnos~u r ond wnnls t o buy iL everyone tokes a u.wn malung a noise they tNnk best matches t he prehlslOricbodau In question. Whoever 's was lhe best now perfams on encore wllh one brea1h. The person
wi lh lh e lnmcs l nolsehn1 lOdrlnk for as longns the performance lasts. Anymispron.,ndaUon d a dinosa urs
name mus t b e rotlowed b yoned r"lnk. and a playeruin ntroducea new rule anytime theytandonanera.

99T-Rexes

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Gr"absomejerky ond lay it on th e table in front of each perSOn.The rules are the same as 99, with a couple of
add it.ions. Players lay cards down . adding the nLmbers . ll"ltilthey reach 99. whichcan"tbee xceeded . Ja des
and Ou~ns ;u ewo r"th 10 po ints , b ut t<Jngsta ke the total sttaightto 99. The 10 subtract 10. the ninM kee-p
the to tal th e same, and a fou r"r"t-ver"sesdir"ec-tion. An ace is worth one oteleven but when one i s played. the
last person to ea t t heir jerky d r"inks. The round ends Wlen somebody is t.s\abletolay a card without going
Oler"99 - th eydr"ink the nu m ber of times equal to their lowest card. Oh. and since everyone's a T Rex. no
hands fo r the eat in g 0( th e d rinking. And if these rules make no sense to you, jus t drink until you, vis ion
goes extinc t.

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Pre -planning
Th ere a.re a (ew things you'll nHd co <'Onsid«
once you've taktn the d.edsion to throw a
pa.rty, The first iJ loadon. Wn.h dinouurs
on th• l(l(IH,if1 not1lw1ysnsrto6nch•ale
pla« to p-4rty whtr• your noise lsn'l going ID
attract the att.ntion of amt\'Oru lor your
n•l8h bours),
lf your
hou.1t ban apattawnt. roll~
going to OHdto limit tht ,iuofyourpu~
out of consklerildon for your neighboua and
due to the limited lp<l,C't , If you bunker dawn
in a.house, ;-ou tN:1,eaf.wmoc~ption 1-you
can open up the: bildt);ard to guesu. ao ),'OU
can like ly lnvite a few more people . You still
need to con std.er the noise f.tctor.especiallyif
J'OU I We in a quiet neighbo.uhood.
You're also going towantto choose a theme
for yo ur party . If it's a H.a.Uoween« a binh•
day party. there 's not much to it. Butif rou're
throwing a party just for fun- or to celebrate
surviving the Jura ssic era - you're likely
go ing to want sow.e .sort oh thetr..e to carry
thr ough into decorations and costum es 6>r
g uests .

ur•

Choosing a theme
Jura ssic Pa.rk: If you're the rww kid on dw
block and want to nlilkta luting6tstimpres
slon, this b tht wiy to go . Pu.II OUI ill the
1tap-1andshow how erai.yyouun g'f'l. If Uw
re,quirt.s.caring Lht living htll out of peopl•
whllt lhry'rt pin drunk. go &:,rit . You might
jun bt tiortv•r rtmt:rnbtrtcl for throwing a
party wlltr• i18UYWlll ripptd IIH,R by I dlno ·
uuronatolltt..

Ju r.auk Park U : Wordhas ,pre.dthll

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you ff

the ulti mateparty.ut rower, and w ith a bigge r
budget to pl•y with, you've go t e'l/eryt hin g
you nHdto throw• Rashyget-toge th er. Ju11ta.
wunjng though ~don't f.tyc,ursty le over sub•
ttin«. Your party m,1,ylook c<.10
1, b ut ma l<e
sureyau 'r e•urrounded by t ht rlghtc-rowd. It
not. you run tht rlllkof luvlng 101MtM.nlp

girl moan. bitc.h and comp lain non•.t.01> for
houra ,

you can use a combinatkln ol Facebook., ten
m essaging a netphoneca H1t o get )'Our invitu
out, Ju.rt be car•Cu l - if you don'twim this
pirty o ptn to random,. m~t sure to keep it
sernl private, Consider tt lhng friend, tmt

Uwm )'Our place,ocruh., JlO also mal<e ~ure
you haw scm.e, pillow, and Snuggies eas ily
¥'Ct1.1.ible .

1lgn1r.n,nt otht:n or sm:allgroups offritndA

At the Party

c-,1,
n a.ccomp;iny t.htm, but unltt.s you've got
1 1nan,10 11,don't haw t.htrn shouting about
th II p,1rt y
tta rooftops,

Do tbt

rro,n

Jura 1tk Patk ll l; Yourr~utatlou h .u plum• Party Prep
n:wttd attlti.l point. JlcJcoruklert h l11your tut
shot . Your re.sources are llmited o1.
nd people
aahesib.nttoauoci.atet.hem11e
lveswlt hyou . Pre p pine tior a pa r ty doesdt ha..-e to be ;adif~
Beggarsan't be choosers tho ug lt. .so in u.tc h ficul to rdea.L Just secure the elKtdCill (euces.
up any 0-listusho let h atwants a quk k pay~ wh ip out some je.llo shota, a.ad tmke suet
cheque. Youdon"t have muc.h to losl>at this you 've got a couple glasses of water around
point. which means you can th row the sleaz.i• a s a wa rn ing to en sure thedioosaw:s b;.--en"t
est cibasbe..s. AU ntl esareoff - pu mp some
go neapes htt.
Oh, ifo nl y it we re tha t easy. Par:typla.nnmg
Xesha. doo your fin-esttra sh bag , a nd boo k a
soireeatnte Sttat. lt' ll .make !or a nig ht th at a ctua Uy requ ires a bit mo re tho ught than that
peofl•wish theyco u Id forget
if you wa nt to en sure a good time for alt
As £ara s food goes, it 's always a good idea to
Jwassic .f>adt IV: You better h ave a da mn ser ve the classic pa rt;- 6:>odstap les - chips.
good excuse i>r th.is.
d ip.assor ted m unch ies - bu tthrowios.otne,.
thin g 1.mique to spice. things up. A lavouri~
Of <'OUrn. feeI free to choose from ot her d a s~ o f Cretac-eous Cam pus ls good old-fashioned
sic themes a Hawaiian luau,dassycoc kta ils, jel lo. It serves a wide nriety of purposes.
spon.s-themed. and more . Don't be afra id to inclu din g th e coveted body shot. I( that
th.inkouwde the box ,
doe, n'tso und like a good time tO)'OU. why not
make it a clauy a(fa.irandserve ,ome exqui •
site lycookeddino,aur steal(l
Invitations
You sh ouldalio nmke,ure t0pkkup10nw
pnper plate,, pl111tEccup1,
and ~pkins-just
tour due
\~u ~• peop1• to ihow up to th l• party, to mc,pu.ptheblood lflhtn•ntgr>N
right ? So ~kewrt
you tpr•.ad tht word, Mel to ,oru.dtno-cruhers.
stwpfOplt fflOUgh l'IOtl« ,0 that thty can
(t you'rt luvln9 a thtmt p.uty. you may
find a 11ft way 11)Jounlf'Y from the.Lr$1d.to( ottd to dto«1rat.,. as wt U as Udy up. If )'OU"rt
h aving a l.irt,.,. party. awutdu ptac:lngvalu•
lholal>nd1Dyoua.
O♦pendhigon how ionna lyo urparty ls,you
a.bltt . ll k♦ your st.uh o( dlnoaur ONA.out of
m.ay w.ntto Mnd invlt&tlons Lnlh• ma ll, or ..1lght, IFpeopl•wl Ub•drinking. you c;anolfff

rou ndJ and ma k« 1 ure tJ, ;tl tvt ryon d •
having a good dm« . Walk a.round. c-h at wilh
peopl«. a.nd Hf if )'OU (1.11 11."IAk.ttomt llfW
trt.nds. Juatdodt confi M you tW.l! to a com er
or-cotui-.ntJywach &:,rdlnouw son tile horl •
:ion. LetlooHa lit.tJe.
&uic:ally. jwtmik..conversation
a.nd have
$OIi»
mwicpt.)'1 ngand you.should beab letn
ke.p a lively atmosple:re. Oh. and it".s prob •
ably not a good ide.aco make.nna. Uta lk abo ut
alhhepeoplewhohavediedon
the island so
far. Don't bring up John Hammond either .

Aftermath
k's your party. so of course thetemptation is
there IO get ridicuJowly drunk. Try to avo id
temptation. Youdoo'twanttb..ings getting o ut
ofhand in your placewhiJe you're passed o ut
in the bedtyard. so unleuyou·ve got a room •
matt- th.re to help monitor the situation, try
tok:e"P your head about you..
Mike sure that none of your gueru drive
horrA drunk. ind if illl)'body wants to stay
o,"'ft'.bt-i!Jwenoughto giwyou rokay. Leave
the dQnup until moming. at whk h point
~u Qn .-wt ACytliri, p1ptr plat.el. co llect
ftfts-}' can1uld boWtt ,o takt to tit• d~>Ot.
,nd cUapo11 of 1ny dlnouur-rav.gtd bodlt,.
Clunlng up ts ctr-t,Jnly th• l•a.st fun 1Ji\rt of
b«ing tht party hmt. but hty, glv• youu• lr
, pat on tlM back foe throwlng a sucic..ufu l
p;artyon the island of deatlt.

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fter your tour th.rough the park, you 'r1
unwind and have a little fun . So chec
when it come s to the best pub s and clubs in

A

C&.MIPUIAREA

This duo of campus bar.; offers the very best in post•
exam hangout space . accompanied by beer and sweet
potato fries . If you can manage to wrangle the etemany
broken elevators in the Students ' Union Building up
to the seventh floor . you11 find the most popular spot
to grab a brew and a burger on campus. This is also
the place to catch Oiler.; games (if you don't mind the
consistent cruel let-downs ), with karaoke nights on
Wednesdays.
Dewey 's , the remains of the U of Ns beloved Power
Plant , offer.; many of the same food and alcohol options

Tucked around the comer of the eastern side of Whyte
Avenue , Wunderbarmaybea
small space , but it has one
of the largest selections of beer in the city . The pub features live music almost every day of the week, but that
also means there 's usually a small cover charge . So keep
that in mind if all you want is a place to have a quiet
drink . On the other hand. you might just find your.;elf
in the middle of a hipster rave or a hot. sweaty punk
show - it all depends on who is taking the stage that
night.

Black Dog is a popular stop in the Whyte Avenue pub
scene , with three different floors tea
· g a different
atmosphere on every level. The cozy basement. known

as RA
tonur
ning,
pool.

Love
town
andc
as "co
Com
'70sb
forth

tore
ands
an up
youp
Edmo
asset

One
scene
parti
featu
poolt
are
sober
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going to want to find a place to
k out what we have put together
the city.

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or hate it, the Garneau Pub is the only place in
here you can hang out on plastic lawn chairs
ug a pitcher of the potent pink beverage known
bat juice."
ed with the so-bad-it's-good jukebox and weird
sement decor , the eccentricities of ·c-Pub " make
perfect place for after-school drinks.

WIXli71r!E/AYE.
tars as the Underdog, offers relaxing couch space
me grungier tunes. The top floor DJ usually spins
eat, funky soundtrack for the night. Make sure
ya visit to the second floor patio before the frigid
ton winter sets in, as it's one of the Dog 's best

f the newer additions to Whyte Avenue 's bar
The Rack is a popular spot amongst the serious
s in the university crowd. The giant floorplan
s both a dance floor and areas with seating and
bles to create a dual club/pub atmosphere. Drinks
ap on Tuesday nights, but make sure you bring
pervision if you take advantage of the specials:
nt flight of stairs leading in and out of the bar
sy to navigate when eveTY1thin,g is spinning.

d right above Oil City, Vinyl gels the p.1.rtygoing
ard as its downstairs companion. but with a retro
stead. The club pumps out all the best jams from
s and '90s annight long. making it the ideal spot
glammcd up and hit the dance floor. But like its
Avenue counterpart. beware of the never-ending
of steep stairs that lead up to the festivities - a
n wipe-out is never a good way to end the night.

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, but they also have coffee and a breakfast menu
e yourThursday-morning
hangovers. In the eveou can also find a spacious back room to shoot

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A GUIDE
TOAOilEVING
SAT~FACTORY
COURTSHIP
WITH(lJf
PROOUCING
YOUNG
W

t.la,tn., lntrtpkl IIOdologllll aiod
a.uth.ropologi.sts.to thb Hrnin.ar on

dlnosaur madng. You'll notft mmy1bnlW"lties betwHn them ating rihw. l.to( our I nirnah
here in th~ pa.rka.nd unh.-ersity~~e hwnms.
Th lng,are messy, feelings get hurt md some.•
times ,..oracious lovers eat their mate after fin •
ishing with them.
But if approached with care. these budding
rela tion ships can provide both parties some
j ~ · and tak e their minds off the opp:essi"-e
world o( Creta<1eou.sCampus. They can also
blossom into more long-term affa.its. And if
}-Ou're rea lly lucky, you'I I get to see your part•
ner's se.xua.l organs.

First contact
When apprOilChing a rww potential ma~. nit~
hff(l. Br:a:.nly duhing in miy caun-dftmce
mechanisms IIIengageand the ne-JI thin gyou
know }'0U've got ll faN full of CIUllk neuro

toxin,. Even}'OUrfancy med·tC'hool•da1e1tion

ran't Rxthat.
tra1Gd, atttmpt to find I o:munm lnter;11t aod

,1,ppr0o1ch
with csiut5on.Clsually ion
out your wu.ktnd lntu•
in gvcknlng ind
)'Our love of .sappyrom.anotcnovws. I( all tbe
fatl.1,llat tla myd adtimn you'w wat.c.htdTl»
Notebook. Or, )'OU know, )"OU C'Ouldu-y boo•
esty. tgue.uthatworka.

Th e first proper int eraction
Animals obsen·ed io the. wild lw\.-e been
known to (ocma li:u initial mating pl'OCI!'

dun~sthrough such crass activities u running
thr ough the woods and mu.rd:enng smaller
an imals to feast on their6esh. It doesn't sound
that different from f'onnalized tr.ating rituals
of lister Hall residents.
But)'O U want to make a better impression. so
try these tip.sinstead.. Aft.er the initial contact
has been made , it' s timetomzkean impression
on your specia l someone. Fttstimptessionsare
important, and how )'OU interact could prow
the tipping point between eidwr recurring
dalliaRCesor red-bct!demb.trrusment.
Fint interactions should be simple affairs
al lowing 00th parties to .sniffuc.h other out in
a non-t hreatening environment . Dinn« ind
tlrlnk .s may seem dkhi, but wen dkMI C'Cln
t'UlnI pordonoftruth.
En.sure «1nverA lion b plmdful. If )'OUQn't
liave lnlertlti ngor intriguing bantff on a 6ra
datt,uk )'OUCH.If whtrt thlngawlUsund in.
wtt.k, a month.or I yurdown the road. Avoid
uloljor topks and stkk to re~tswlyeuy copia
- it's llOl UllC;;llltdfar to uk yaur potent.La.I
mate about their rm.Uy,
Go with ~-our gut on thu cxw. lfthings•rf'
progre.ssing at • n.atuu.l p.xe but somehow
feel "off,• that's probably 1 518tL
Conveaety. if
)'O Ur date makes an emlurras.sing.c!DlUsion

Try to «HM up wl.th something I bit rn«t
•nd ,pW• the:lr drink on the.i.r
lh~y«ycu.stiU
£et.Ian attraction, then l>tkk interei.tlng from now on, A tri-ptot~obl.trV ..
Withtt. There'• .!ways the opport unity to cal I tor y. an evening spent on a "restaurmt cr.1:wl·
or a themed date a ll work woode[s o1odtell
things off down the road..
you rp otentia l mate that )'OU care. It's oolooger
Further mteractions
solely abo ut getting to know one another. but
abo ut impr essing your signif,c .;int other.
\\lhileyour initia J cot1tactwit h poten ti al new
8u t in terei.ti.ng doesn't mean expensive.
mates w.u simple - a cha nee to converse an d Sta rgaz in g in the park, or even at the unr.w •
get to know one another - fut ure inte rac• sity·s ob servato r )·. is free and unexpected. A
lions will nei'd to be more o ste ntat ious a n d theme evenin g. maybe with a special dinner
a nd a movie, are a lways welcome and show
&shy.

o/ putwrcngs

you c-.u. mough so be t:h..in.ki.ngabout your
pcllmtb.l m.te .
Th,nk about d,, nut few dates .. t.ylns
the groundworic of• future re.latloru;hi p. Lr
)lOU put in m effi.,rt now and try to come up
with new •nd interesting things to do. it wi ll
mde.r them towards you and give them great
memories co look back on when you acdden •
ullydrive their-brand new car into the Nort h
Saska~-an
River.

Don"t stagnate
Once an ongcing relationship h as been go ing
on a for I while. it starts to ~nate.
Or..in
the bngu.2ge of dinosaurs, you hit a late-Cre •
tac.eons son o( situation with an impendi ng
extinction ewtlL
Just btcause you've been dating for th ree
months does:n\ ttlN.n your young l;1dy fr itmd
WU1ts to spffld .vtty
Th.uuday night watd1 ingtheBui1tlar.ortiW
you.rnan friend likH
toW-• Suncb.ybrundi • t th• .A TM pl~ tvtry

wHk . Mi:rthln.gs up.
Condnue IO findn.w and now.l ipprOK hH
to d.u• ntghi. Tilt fln1lf1'~ rn,1.rktt on a
S.urday mom lng mlk.H a chN p d.itt wht.r•
you can gtt a bit of groctry 1l10J>
1>h1.gdont
a& th« sanv thna Prlngt lJ paulng tllroug h
town? Ge_yca.irche.p•n a p.alrof tJ,ntre tick•
fl&. fors,oyou c;m ttea .ad.it to.a , how and .i.
lae,,mshtcoffite.

Making it to the bedroom
Mating. while.almost always the end goa l or
a dilling relationship. is never assured at the
out:set. lb.ingsca.ngohorriblywrongand
you r
potmtia.l mace couJd in.stead decide to seek
the attention c:l that 40•foot Tyrannosa urus
Rex in.stead. Or, wont case scenario, th ee.nti re
e.xecutn-e of the local faculty a ssodat ion. leav •
in gyou out in the dark.
When it co mes to mating citu.als, remember
thegoldenrule:playthelonggame.
Ten mating
wssiom in the Ieng run isaJways bette.rtJia n a
singleimmediatematingllt:Ssion.
Yountightgo for abigkissatthee:ndo(your
Rc:ondorthirddau. While kit.Sing I sappropr i•
a.e,it this stJge. kH"p your hands to yoursel r.
Or. 1t most, Uttst th• bKik cl your potentla l
nuw ·stw.ad and stroke their lwr. 1ru1ey.11.ren't
h,:vin8 CD
fflJUf( )'OW' adv1nc»a.your pottnti.o. I
N~ wUI bt imprnNd with your will power
111dwUIbe curkllu .uto whu. you'rf: 1Hdln8

upso.
Mab your moVt:cartf-uJJy• nd chooH your
tnomm&. wisely. But .g.In ex.trdn prudtnc.
md rntt.alnt when It comes to getting to the
Kt ol a,pulition. llkiug your tlme to "mind
dwstepcbildren .. w "c.rusthe Oower/w h idt •
ever is more approp-iat,, for your situatio n.
wiU i.ga.in p;iy off dividends int.he future and
en.sure returns.

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"""•

Ceature • 9

2

Brontosaurus barn dance

The blind stegasaunas

Have your partner lay o n their This Is not rocket science. Blindfold
stomach with their hips In the air. your partner and tease the hell out
From there, it's just like doggy of them.
style. Best performed with your
head In the trees.

r

The flying pteroda cty l
She lies on her side and wraps her
legs around him as he "hides the
salami." The name should be self
explanatory. If not read a book.

The lonely triceratops
There's always room for self
pleasure in a relationship. Take
time to explore your ow n body in
frontolyourpart ner. Whoknows
you more than you?

The cranky
pachycephalosawus
This will require a bit of stretch ing. Have your partner lay on their
back and throw their legs over their
should ers. Then have the part ner
with the phallus (either flesh or
strap-on , we're not here to judge)
squat o,er top of them and being
a dowrt.Yard motion. This may
requ ire some worl< by both parties to ensure proper safety Is used
throughout . Maybe get a spotter.

• gateway . m:IIK~U

fea tur e. 10

"1
U

ou're in a sticky situation, on the run from
countless prehistoric predators. But there are
a few things you can do to help yourse lf get out
alive , and some tips for first aid if the worst happens to any member s of your party .
Follow the dtt'cnlll.ld -po
routr. You
knowwh.\tyou nffdtodotogttali\'9,IIOmakta
pla.n(orthe nl-BhLandakktoit. htakuurtlNl
)''OU llllvt a dfflgnattd d.rh-«. a tn.ns l route

plauntd oul. and mou.ghll".Onity b • ab

Ju.at

i.nca.ae.As wt ll, plan how much yoUr. going co
drinkaheadoltlme ,o }'Ouao :i,"Oidgoingo,w
)'-O
ur Umit.

un.um1ldfd.j\l.J\ buy •nOl her ont w hen you
a:>ZMbackcoaivoid1.ht rlliko(gtt.Llng dru.ggtd,
A.Jwtll.bewaryddrinklng from punch bowli .
.u 11My•tf'euyto5Plkt,Si.g 1utltnt you 1nay hav.
bHn druggtd indud• '1Hpl n HJ: , dln hteu.
dif6cu.ltyltanding a nd wa lking, or bla<klng
out md Joss of memory. lf yo ur friend ex h lbm symptoms likethei1e.. get t hem to a hospita l
nghtawa.y.

Stick togethtr: It's a scary pbce out there. so
make sure ;w. stkk with your friends and look
out for eachother. lfyour-friendstartsdrinking
e.xcessively, don't egg them m by buying them
more shots. Try to get the mto~owdown and
watch forsignso f alcoholpois ming. Oothisi.>r
}'Ourfriends. and if ;--ou 're in a bind. they'll do
the same for J"OUwhen you're pasr the point cl
making good decisions. lf }'OUr&iendwarus co
go homewiths omeone,orwantsto ~toa new.
ve.lociraptor -infested camp. ma.b sure they
understand wllat they're &>ingand are ilble m
reac h you in case they are in rroublew.

Pay attention: Thtre .are a bt of snctamn
out th ere. t0 m.i:k e sure )'0l1 ltHp ,our drink
wit h you 11.
t all tirrAs. lf you luw ,our drink

Km,w

yom limits: While lhere a re drugs

oot there that a re added to dri.nks, t he mol>1
common drug usedin sexual a ssault isa lcohol.
Knowyour limitstoa1,-okta situ.at.ionwhere you
come home with someone ,then regret.it in the
moming.

It you med help: On cam pus, there are emergency posts and in the urr stations , recog•
nizable by a b lue g lowing lig ht Pus hing the
emergencybrt:ton will bring Ca mpus Security
to your aid. You can a.I.so ca lJ 911, no matter
-.here you are. £or ass istance. The best thin g
tD dois avoid being al.one aft.errlar k, espec ially
if ycuTe intoxicated. w hk-h puts you In a more
vu.Inttab'le po.sit.ion,

SIGNS OF ALCOMOLPOISONING:
• severe vomiting or vomiting after passing out
• not responding after being shouted at. pinched. nudged, or poked
• the Inability to stand up
• the inability to wake up
• slow, deep , irregular breathing
• skin is purplish , cold, or dammy
• pulse rate is rapid
If you see any of these signs tn an Intoxicated person. don 't hesitate the persons life could be ln danger Call 911 to get help immediate ly,
but don 't leave the persons side to ensure that they stay breathing.
While you re waiting tor help, put them In the recovery position (as
displayed to the nght) •Souo<e MON:. www-..Loml87_1657as
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