Disorientation 2012: The World Is Ending But GPA Still Counts, A Survival Guide for Post-Apocalyptic Academia (University of Alberta)


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Disorientation 2012: The World Is Ending But GPA Still Counts, A Survival Guide for Post-Apocalyptic Academia (University of Alberta)




Edmonton, Alberta



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gateway • n'W.lll!<,,lltWXtOIIUll!
.l.l • Sep1emb er 5, '2

di sorient ation • S·2


(APOC 101, •3)


f the Mayans are corre ct - and let 's face it,

they TOTALLYare - then the world will end
in 2012. With a mere four months left in this
fateful year, (he apocalypse is just around the
coriter, be it a we-ek, a month, or two pages from
now. This course offers the practical skills you'll
need to survive in t.he fallout-ridden radioactive
hellscape of post-secondary education with your
mind, body and GPA intact.
And of course, it also offers plenty of tips on how
to cut loose once i.n a while and boogie like it 's
your last night on Earth. After all, just because
the world ends doesn 't mean the party has to .





3 - ClassScheduling
4 - Getting
S ~Transportation
6 - StudySpaces
/~Attractions .
· .8'-"·food
9 - CampusRecreation
10- VarsitySports
11 - Sars~ Clubs
12 - Prinking
14- FirstAid

writttn by
Ryan Bromsgrove , Madellnt> Smhh, AprU Hudson,
Katelyn Hoffar t . Alex Migdal , Darcy Ropchan , Alana
Wl lterton , Al\dr~ Jeffrey and Ross Vin cent

photos by
Selena Phllips •Boyle, Dan McJ<ecbnte.Jultanna Oamu
an d AmlrA IISharlfi

art dirtctor
Ross Vincent

a..gateway • wnm"ttwn oauuu

• \'otume 103,luue 1

~ begin,

disorientation . S-3

shall we ...








A good class schedule is key to ensuring you don·t endure your
1own academ ic apoca\ypse. Keep these scheduling survival tips in
mind to prevent your grades from se~•destructing .


MORHIHGCl.ASSIS: you11 eithtr love afWnoot\ but only considu them if
Tt.1-iemor hete them. Okay, so you'U you Nve the attention spnn to handle
li~ety hlite thtm . Sure. N nerd wuid•
a lhrff•hour lecture A note. though;
l you will tetl yo u thot an 8 AM class meny evening dasse, ad\lerti,ed as
seems like a good tdea. but chooH
ttvee-hour lectures realty only last for
wisely. Uyou 'ro not a morning person
a couple houu before the p,oftssor
calt1 it a day.
- ttw cue for mof.l students - you'll
run the r1s~of steeping in and skipping
you.rclasses You may think now you'll ·d SPR.INO/SVMMERCOURSU:ahhough
be able to mottvate yourself to get out
th♦ 1hought of taking • c:ourse in the
of bed every morning. , but by the mid • spring or summer might appall you.
point of the semester, ,t may be horde,- consider taking a couple if you're
than it sounds .
sticking around campus during the
four -month bre,ak. They're a great
➔• KtEP t.OCATlON lH MINO when way to cross off those pesky degree
scheduling classes Oon"t think you'll requiremenu. , Plus. ~cy a lways stem
t be abte to pull a Uufn Bott and make to 90 by much foster thein your cyp.c;at
it from Educ;ation to Hu~nities in 10 fall/Winter class,
minutes, espec1atty when It' s icy In the
win1er. The last thing you want to be is 9 OOH'T HESITATE TO ADD/DROP
thatannoying studentwhorummfive
CLASSts before the S.pl 18 deadlITTe.
minutes late every dass.
Trel'll tho first two weeks ltke a test
run ft you·re not into I.he professor .
seo if th ere's another one Waching il
to buy in to the rmpt-ndmg end of especially if it's a 100-level course But
tho world and believe yo1.1have more
if the course seems ~tten9,ng. don 't
tho,n four ytau to tinish your degree , doubt yourself either These can often
consider reducing your couf'16 load to be the most rewarding
thrte or four courses per term . This is
e1pee-illttytn.11for first year- students
~ OoH'T TAKl' Ct.ASSts HCAUst Y0UR
who artn't ye\ acquainted with tho
rigours of a untVersity wonttoad . Yov'll in univers.ety now. not high school
stilt be eonsidtre- d a fuU•time student.
You'll have plenty of time to see
and yotdl have mo,• bme to focus on
them on campus.. 8e smart about
each Glass. It might a1so give you tho
th e classes you choose, •nd pick a
txtn time co fit in thlt part •time,ob Ot
couple per term that relate to your
extrticurricular activity.
mejo,. including your first year This
will give you an idea as to whether
A EVtHIHG cu,ssu con be a great you really want to pursve the ma,or
w~ to free up time in the morning or
you have In mind.




gateway • n'W.lll!<,,lltWXtOIIUll!.l.l
• Sep1ember 5, '2012

di sorient ation • S·4

TleS _E OR_A~


~ -E C-C -0 -N

At the end of the world, danger lurks around every corner, but the real apoc·
alyps~ fpr ~Q!!J
ou may be missing that) \t 011..y
.QUL finaLNey _er tear•---t
new kid - there are plenty of ways to make sure you stay on track to get
those top marks. You've.all.goLthe_smatts to get into this.place,-but being
organ ized is what's really go ing get you rolling in those high grades. Here are
-s ,ome-tips on how to get-there.-------------------1


•S - Notes!
Taking g d
oo notes is f!N
limes in dass whe
ti'ythin9. ihere WUIb
would probably tath:/:u _feel Preoccupied, an;
P&skyrobot that 'sb
e~l~ea Plan to evade ...._
for w 1.
. ee -,_
s, But it you w.
You (IJUs-thav e to pay att an .t to get those 9rad$s
Ing t~ek sli'deshow onll entton : If your tm:,trs
Post -·
to Writeeverything dow:\.,don l waste time trying
to ~ay, and make suro
. sten lOwhat they have
::;.e; Words, Thtre·s
detailed notes on
. e to Study your not
ing worse than go;
1ble s-cribbl t'-ts -'t'!d see ing noth '
e ''°' looks like it wa
, rng bot





d \l'\&t you'\\
\\y remember
M.o,kesure yo_u •"'-• subject to oct\la
.a 'f you're
ti detai\ on u,
'•ter or'I, An~ ,
tfYil'\gto stud)' '"'
t1.1dymateria\s ,
what yo1.1are \a toP to sto,e your s Getting your
,ety\ng on &- : bad< il up ,egul.&rty. I., to discovet
make sutc yo
pare fol fioa\s on,1 . hun&re
uter out \o pre
b\iteroted is a n,g
com P
, nas been o
your h&rd drNe ertd-of-d&yf, sc.cnano.
wo1se than brt/
t notes o,e nent ar'I

s wrmen by on

Studying is obviously key.but it's not the on ly
thing that's going to earn you an A+ in Apocalypse
101. Follow our advice, and you'll be well on your
way to being the top zombie-destroying honcho
in class - you may Justturn out intelligent enough
to survive the end of the wor ld.

Oh hey look,
an apocalypse!

gateway • Wd .lllf'410f&MIIIUA

• Vol ume l03, Lssue I

disorientation • S·5

•gateway • n'W.lll!<,,lltWXtOIIUll!.l.l

di sorient ation • S·6



• Sep1ember 5, '2012

, too.~


The Stud e nts' Union Bu il<lin g has a plethora of
couches and tables to meet your study requite•
sa£est pla(e to escape to and get some reading
ments. and the.re's also a fireplace . Wbo knew
done during the apocalypse. With a designated
you cou ld be dauy a nd cosy while studying?
noise level on each Ooor,lt's got somerhlng ror
There are also some great places to stuff your
every srudent. ln Rutherford North , floors
face with food while you toil late into cbe night
three and up are sil ent spac es where you can
during final exams - no need to venture across
work In peace withoutthe dlmaeting sounds of
campus and risk your life se:ave.ngingfor suste•
a moaning zombie hoard - all bough that might
nance. During the lrylng ex3m season, SUB is
just be a bunch of btner u nder-caffetnate<I arts
students . During peak hours, you're going have USW'llly open 24 hours .
to be quick If you want a seat with a plug•ln for
your dying laptop . It's the end of the world, .ind
only the strong survive .

The btg brick building on campus might be th0


Ruthe r.Cord South has plenty of open study
rooms to get lost ln. Ualso has a common room
where study groups can meet and plan out their
next class presentauon. But don't talk too loud :
those bin er arts zombte.s have exeeltent hearing ,
and If you make too much noise, 1heyb1te.

The Telu s &uildin .g doesn't have a ton of study
space, but It 's worth mentioning because of the
in divid ua l cubicl e -lik e room s that are the per•
re-ctplace to ktck back with a coffee and get your
assigned reading done, or maybe Jl.l$l
surf t he Internet - whatevn you prefer. &a
once again, you have to move quickly to get these
spaces . If there are any sutvivors. that's the fust
place they' ll go.

When you enter the build ing . your nose is me1
with the scent of hidia n and Thai food mixed
together. It mJght not seem like the best place
to get your homC\\'Orkdone it first, but the.place
usually dears O\ll and gets pretty quiet after
six o'dock. There 's no short a ge of places to
sit, although the hard steel waffle patter chair'$
might give you a sore back. But bey,you S\lt'Vived
the end of the world , what are you complaining
about? Just make sure you're not too loud - the
survivors there don't take kindly to noise .

Seriously, gohont c . Your place might be the per·
feet spate to shove a book In your face. Jnvest In
a good desk and put it in a place where you won't
need to put up with a tot of noises or disu .te:ttons.
Your frldge Is w ithin walking distance., so you
won't have to shell out the dough every time you
want some study snacks. And the best p;i.n Is no
flgJ\t i.ng some-ont for a pow t r outlet to plug In
your l;i.ptop - If you do hJve to fight soLneone
overth<'H. you're probably In the wrong house .


gateway • Wd .lllf'410f&MI

di sori entation • S·7

IIU A • Vol ume l03, Lssue I

If you've managed to escape the clutch es of an apocalyptic
zombieor outrun the smog of a giant m ushroo m cloud of
. It's t ime to celebrate. Grab some friends and

head out to some of these local hotspo ts for a night of
rellef· fllledfun.

Myer Horowitz Theatre
{2nd noor o f the Students· Unton Bulldt ng}
Located in the Students' Un ion
Building . t h e Myer Horowitz
ls a comfortable
and intimate
theatre that h&s hosted plenty
of well-known
ar'tlsts over the
yeeirs. With p~st pe rforma n ce$

by artists li ke Sarah Stean and
Kath leen Edwa rd s, t he co ncert hall Is the per fec t plac e
to enjoy the Nne .,,ts from the
comtor t s of your own c~mpus
environment .

Dinwoodie 1.ounge
(2nd floor o f the Students· Un ion 13ullding)
Build ing, Dinwoodie
Lounge is
hom e to a wide variety of even ts
t he year . from tive
mu sic events to t,ades ho w s to
student group acti viti es. there ' s
al ways something go ing on ttt

Dinw o odi e. Don ' t m iss t he Week
of Welcom e activities and perfo rma nces takin g pla ce here at t he
beg inn in g or the semester, and
keep an eye out for special events
li ke t he poster sate happening

Studio Theatre
(Timms cen tre for the Arts - 87 Avenue and llZ Street.)
Staged by the U of A's Department
of Drama, Stud io Theatre per•
formances arc often on par wit h
a nyt.hlng d one by protesslonot
the atre com pan ies In the city . This
year's li neup of plays Includes t h e
wortd pr emlere of The Missionary

Position and t he Shakespeare
clas sic Richard fl as t hey attemp t
to show oH the tal ent s of the university's BFA students . The theatr e
also o tter$ nex passes , so you can
catch several performances for
one great p rice.




Art Oallery of Alberta
(Sir Winston Churchill Square)
coolest-look ing
bultdlno In the ci t y, the AGA Is
home to phenomenal art created
by both local and lnternotlonauy
k:n own artis ts. From Andy Warhot
to Alex Janv ier, t here's a llt tl e bi t

of cverylhlng for t he art. buff in All
ot us. The oenery a,tso hosu reou •
t&r artis t talk$ and f'ltms. and even
holds tote night Reffnery part ies
every tew months - always the
talk, of t he town .

Metro Cinema
{At the Gameau Theatre - 871Z 109 St.)

Metro Cinem a Is n ot your average
mov ie t h eat re, Forgo ing the u sual
Hollywood fare tor cult classics .
comic boo k ep ics and sometimes just flat out ridic u lo u s films .
Metro Cinema has an ec le ctic yet

r.,sc lnotlng mix o f cinematic gems
yea r round . Dedicated to bri ngIng you the be st In Nim , there ' s
always a new - or somet imes
o ld - favou rite to be discovered
here .

The Citadel Theatre
{Sir Wh,ston Churel'\tu Square}
Citade l
Thea t re
produc tio n s
are about as good as it gets in
Edmonton , While It can defi ni tely be on t he prlcy side. I\'$ a
great option If you're witting to
splu rge. This year' s selection of
plays ra nges f rom dramat ic court•
roo m d ramas li ke A few Good
Men to h isto rical fictions li ke The

Kite Runner - th is year's lin eup
even includes t he beloved Monty
Python's Spamafot. This fall, the
Citadel win also be t he new hom e
to Rapid Fire Th eatr e, a loca l
!mpr ov co mpany whose weekly
Friday and Saturday night per forman ces are bound to leave you In
stitc h es.


Welp,looks like
the world ended .
Sure was nice ...

dl sorl enl atlon . S·8

gateway • fflfflfW.Jftl,OOltilfU • Se111embtr5,20l2


Wnh lhe advantast of having boch


ntnt lndoor lot"atlons and the cap,1blllty of
serving up food from a truck, If inyching"s

going to s-urvlwthe apocalypse,It's the South
. Wilh afi:Dd menu
of high-quality meat a nd vegetarian dishes
and a cotatlng menu of spttlals. you on't go
wrong. Throw In a stamp card With promises
of futurt free meals. and you'Vt g01yourself
a viable option for frequent lunching, But be
warned. the hoc s.tUC't burns lJke a t.omble's
hunger forbrains . In 3good way.

A recenlly-optntd location ln HU'B brings
Burrito Libre Crom the '"worth It once In a
while'" c,11egorysquuely Into the campus
staples . Choose from a varlttyof meats. i.uctS
and topplngs to create the perfect burrito . It's
esientlally the Subwayof Me.xtc,nfood .

The one problem

if you m&ysewrety und•restlma.te lhe C!Xltn1to which the totlilla WIil
bt crammed full Luduty. there ts a sotuuon :
grlb yourself a burr it o bowl instead, You'll
be down one tornllA. but wUJalso •kJp OUt on
all the mess- and thete's nothing worst than
trying to devour a musy burrho wuh aUens
at your doorstep. Pop the top back on your
containtt. esupe and finish tht rest ll your
convenience .

An obvious chol«. bw a are.it one for bar rl•
cad Ing yourself in s:ifoty with good food. The
SUB eleva1ors ue ~d tnough as It is, so whtn
the apoca.lypst hit$, they'll be the fi.111to go.
Btfore tht stairwell doors are locked, make
your way up the SUB tower to the aventh
Ooor (stopping at the third to rescue a few
terrified Gartwo1y ~ltors - W'e"'refovtrs. nOI
fiahters) a.nd block off aH access .


The friendly RATl' staff will still bt there,
s,rvtn, upbttr a.nd a menu re,•am~ just las:t
ytar. Thou gh they hilar ious ly lack an oven,
thty still provlde a varittyohyplcJ.i pub fart,
with bur gers, sandw tch e1, fries and salads.
And on 1op of all that. )'OUget I great view or
Edmonton - assumin g there's anythlfl8 left.

A downtown location opened allttlewhtte ago,
but 1heortgin~l ls•ullunbe~table . If you don"l
know about Re.medy, your bi pit er and/or lefty
frlends will shortly introduce you.11·11r~ure
a dangtrousqufft 1010911.\St. bu1 If you make
tt there aUvt. you won't bt dt~ppolnttd.
They sptdallze in Indian <1Dd
Paktsta.ni food
- ind tho ugh they do offer several ml'at •based
dishes. what really atts tht peopleexc-lted are
the glu 1e n-free, vegan .Jnd ve-getarlan op ti ons.
On tht drinks sldt, they're mosc known for
1helr chai 1.nd exte n sive imparted beer
Ml~ioa . It's esst.ntially (mpossjblt to get
1hrough four years of untverslly find not end
up here J.t ltut once. to get ti over with and
head ovl'r auoon H you get the ch anct.

Hidden ne.ar the SUB eltvaton ts a rtlattvely
Uttle-known outlet of Joy. Wbllt'1,l$tlypomttd
out a.sbting not a -happening" plate. It's not
for lack of quahty . Many fucurt days of drtuy
studying- or iomble avoidance- stand tobe
brlghtentd by aqul<k VlS\l tothlsdltknook of
SUB and ics ma.nyofferlngs ofll ght s:nac.ksand
delicious smooth its.
Fruu s-mOO(hif'? No probltm. They have
plenty . And If you're looking for something to
remind you of betttr <bys-dayssptnt
the a.s1erolds hit wlth ramlly and friends
uound a umpfirt, perhaps - cbttk out tbt
Smore smoothie . 1t tastes like it soundthuvenly.


• Wd .lllf'410f&MI IIU A •

di sori ent ation • S-9

Volume l03, LssueI






ttendlng university classes may help sharpen your mind, but if you're
going to have any hope of making ~ out of the zombie apocalypse
alive, you 're going to need to work on your body as well. Luckily, campus
has plenty of options for whipping yourself into shape, because at the end
of the world.the freshman 15 just might be the cause of your untimely


U working out is your thing , you 're
In tuck - your fees include a gym
pa.ss! It might be a bit cramped
during the day, but it you avoid the
busy hours, you can snag a tread mill or tin etliptic-,t, and there's also

weightlifting equ ipment around U
you've got a hankering for something
more hardcore. When it comes to
post-apocalyptic grocery store raids,
you're going townnt that upper body
strength to carry supplies to safety .

Working alone might help you survive in the outside world. but If you
feel the need to group toge t her.
there's always Campus Rec Investigate the programm ing at
recserv ices .uatberta .ca . They offer
tons of cool classes for you to hone

your skills , and you can bring your
friends along as well. Check out
their website for the dally schedule, or bflng your ONEcard atono
for a drop-In session for anything
from nutrition counsellng to handball to belly dancing ,

For those of you more Into tra ditional sports, the Butterdome
Is the place for you . Want to play
soccer? Basketball? DodgebaU?
Look for the giont yellow build •
Ing amongst
the ,est of the

un iversity's more modest structures. If you bring your ONEcard ,
you can even go skating in the
winter . There's t1 mode of trans •
port that doesn't reQuir'e access to
dw i ndling oil supplies ,

If you tove the great outdoors,
head down to the River Valley
for some exercise . located
the outskirts
of the un ivers ity,
it features some of Edmonton's
nicest scenery and myr iad trails to

explore , You c.an go for a walk , run
or bike ride without all the hassle
of a gym or a track field - when
the weather is nice . that is. You
might even find the perfect spot
to build a tree house.

If you don't want to pollute the environment with e.xhaust fumes , but
you 're too lazy to walk to schoot you
can always buy yourself a bike. This
h&ndy form of tr6nsportallon will

keep vou somewhat In shape while
help ing you avoid time-consum ing
wa lks . Make sure you bring a tock .
as there are plenty of bike racks on
campus. but 6lso plenty of thieves .

You might oet enough exerc ise
Just walking from <:lass to <:lass.
especlotty If you·ve fallen victim to
t1 bout of misguided scheduling ond don ' t say you weren ' t warned
tibout making it from Mcchonical
Engineering to Educ&tion , If you

prefer gett ing tiround on your own
two feet. the un iversity area Is a
pertect place to stretch your legs ,
And if you live dose enough, you
can enjoy a plet1s&nt wt1tk to t1nd
from school - tit least until the
snow starts coming down ,



" " tWXtOIIWl!
~~~ · ""· '

n~- ~S::_!
· l~
O~ --------------------------~

• Sep1ember 5, '2012

. th
h the wor ld, the entire planet,
'iV:\!7hen the apocalypse nps ro~~f the fittest. Of course, if Y?U~e
W becomes a contest of surv,v? awa the hours of university life,
been sitting around in cla:;' us~~:;;i~~lly dic rease. But if you watc.~ ~~e
your chances of w inning
North or South campus, you
of the 14 different varsity sports on
f the human race looks like
. se of what the future o
a 9b~
,e5Pwipe out everyone else.

••••on displey,

Bears team \ .
With • Golden
nd piece fin,sh
. off a seco
...... p1coming
, national c,wm
at last susonus of A is one of the
onships, the not only repeot ••
fovourit•~::, conference
l get t,tlck to the tb U
9ions. but ~
ame. Ba~a a

end e)(.c.i\1nga~
l.$t-team AU..
and led by
Jordan Beke,.
r-nodion othtcte
ener wlll
home op
the teams
. t the Brandon
come Nov. 2 ago•~;,. Community
Bobcat, •I IM Savo city. 2.BOO)
at soulh
a quick LR n


cl>a~; ce;tr•

championsh p g most fait-paced
puts some of the


h G Iden Bears •••
. th• Canad•
the bench. t ♦ ; to th• national

As the. U of A ptays.:a number of lookin~ to g~t bacfter thoy didn't
st conference w11rom
Manitoba. ch.amp1onsh1ps a
other strong tumdCa(n•ry
que 1·t
I y last season.
to re.turn to th e
ol~mostatways the Pandas hop•
fons on cam
W'th former
tional champt ·on •
assured a gooockd
. ag'ue head ference and na
American H rbel'l
.y now behind ship in 2010.
coac.h Ian H•

The Golden Bears· home opener
comes Sept. 28 aga1ntt the
University of Manitob,i 8isons.

won't be until Oct 19 against
the University of Saskatchewan
Huski-et, Both teams ~ at the
Clere Drake Arena (copacity:

3,000Jon north campus .

A disastrous 2011 nason saw tht
l1 of A's football team lose every tfrne gaining groun<f on the rest of
game t.he)-played . With a mor• the conference, but their fint test
expe,1enced team in 2012, the In th• home opener Sept 7 against
9Mrs' record can on~y get better , the Un.iv•rsity of Saskatchewan
but h'U b• a diffic111tdimb , With will be a good jn<ficatorof how th•
confertnce rwals like the Or,lver-- rest of their sea.son will continue .
The Golden Bears play their home
sity of Calgary, ~skatchewan and
at Foote Fietd Ccapocfty:
U9C, the Bears wiU have a ha.rd
ot Soutt, Campu~



For diehard spores fons. There's a lot
Commonlivealth's College Corner. unJ-more to exp erien c(! in Edmo nton
varsity grimes , The tickets may versi,y student$ can buy tickets for just
$21 from lnfolin k in SUB.
be more el(pensive, but Edmonton
Meanwhile, bop off (he lRT at
provides ptenty of op portunit ies to se e
worfd •classathtetesinact ion. Just tak_t Colisoum station to see Edmonton's
a ttip on the lRT from the univets:ity to Pr.@
m ier sports ticket - that is, unless
either RexaUPlace or Commonwealth
the lockout wipes ou t the 20 12-13
Stadium .
Natfonat Hod <ey l eaguo se.uon -as it
eight years ago. Th e Edmonton
Once you arrive at Stadium stati on,
Oilers are the most popular team in
you can watch one of the most decorated and successful terimsjn Conadilln to wn, and on the rise with a number
football history, the Edmonton
o f exciting young stars like J ordan
Eskimo s of the Canadian Football Eberte and Taylor Hall botn trying to
Leag ue . l he Eskimos ctmentty sit improve upon thefr second•last finish
in second pla ce in a close Western in the Western con ferenc e last season.
Whether you can afford the front row
Conference race with ha lf of the seoson
left to play giving fans th e poten tial of or areoim ing for the cheo p seat s, check
seeing playoff games this fall With out Ticketmas-ter to se cure.a spo t o~ce
the teem finally returns.

C:.=- -------

--- --

gateway • Wd .lllf'410f&MIIIUA

• Vol ume l03, Lssue I

disorientation • S· 11

dlsorientat1on . s- 12

he end of \he WOftdpromise, to cul short
the lives of you an<( everyone you know.
the bnt Wily to hllndle this' Drink


yours.elf Into such a stupor that this apoe1i·
typst will be• welcom4 impr~ment
the hangover you would have otherwue
faced the next morning. The only way to


sic 91fflt


adweve such a d~ressing tevtl of d,ul'\k is
to Nve il forced upon you by y0\11 •tnends·
'"• contest of endurance,. ~.nee
mental fortitude . And. of course. drink;ng
And by play,1>9 • d-,ng
91ffl<. you can
blame ew,ything not on yourself. but on

"'wtt•tr ~tuditM plfY'I hs m,-

61 IOMe p<>.n1 [n V'lot1tdr'ril,nq CMHfS..
Two IN!r!T1d t-.o ,ec 1,4>_,.eq.,.....,_,

- Pt'eftrtibl,y04

mt Red Solowi-.y -

- -

·the rules:



bi11100111Md ..... twm """910ltw"owpngpong
b•1lJ Into thelrOppont,nU boon·Htd
0nCJt • ~l"lollkfl•
1hot. Nffopponc~u muu
Chug the drink lhe bll(I fdl lmO. ff bochfftffllbtlsol
W wnotht utM cup on Che WlftM
tum, the oppo1."9 tum Mm drink twice Tums


• tHm 1'1,1,~K'(I
thew NI: lfflO .,_, ~•l
ttam 9ftS one tu. dllnC:C


This tt.n Of tnetu,•n« ~" be<.olM
orno ttvOIJl§lhout • ntgh1. Ar,t. cut ane
blstbllll bat , Then pOur • drini: Ink>- d'M:holt on
the bat A c.,n
bouLe ol be41'Is Nit.Of••,



Onc:t ft~
Chosen dfric,

his betr'I poi,nd Into N
tJnng, tM bM tc>tws~

ffomlS lfb~c.nnottniShlhedr
dw ~ffld-s
1htn the bM m.a.t
dl'Wit.they ml,l\t ptKt: 1he ba1 ~

w,tha rcdc41,tMIOl\tt.ot - ti the')' Id¢ ft. the game
ffll.J11 <.ontlnut. ...oidr,g the J)rCW)US Winnln9
ShotHowie..et. if bod'I ~,
Of tht QPPo1Wl9 teflffl
s.lnktheir ~in I.he Wist(.\ij>. tht 9""f: IS<M!t





on ff



dt 10tlmu The~thtn,wndl
1111.Chtd hl,n If thil pt.tye,Srilcs


- --


P1t"'1 Of popullr ~ WMS
alt.Koh to be-lCYedN64 ~·
- but the motltun.,_,
ot 9COCi,clrt.tritrffl ChotGes is PC.a,,ed
with lhet41nlc Mlrlo~rt
The .. cww • mip1it_ fw1rlh)'CM" Cl1nlcbe:fore:
you reach the fintsh '-ne 8ut hOW )"(Ml~
do ht ,.qwfl
• &:wt
ol S:trltf9Y '(ou Cf'WIOC drQ
wh•le drl'YingIn the fillee . H ~ .., o-lW\Q
IS • 91~
~ )'Ol,.I.,-as:re,d lnstt,14.
Theft ..

you can ChOoloe IOdn!'lk as mud'! .s pooa.,hlndle

d'lup you,._..


befOrf: get•

lir'lg"b-.ct.,_, .. ~you·IWa'Ktoltop._.ont



·s n«>.acohol In )'QUI' ~n



gateway • Wd .lllf'410f&MI

IIUA • Volume l03, Lssue I


dis orientation • S· 13








.. p

• ~-··!ft

"fol, .

- -·

esperate t imes call for desperate measures, and when the world is
ending, there's a chance you and your mate m ight not be able to keep
your hands off each other long enough to make it all the way back to your
dorm. Remember these campus locat ions when things get hot and heavy.


DISCLAIMER:The Gateway assumes no responsibility for the risks you take if
you can't manage to keep it in you r pants in pub lic areas of campus.

The back stacks of Rutherford library
campus rumouN arc rife with stories
about au kinds of people octung It on in
the Ubreuy•Uthe time . Whether or not this
is as frequent an occurrence as reported ,
word on the street is the llbr<'lryisactually a
pretty good toc:tition for a quic.kie. Sc alert

for footsteps coming down the aisles, or
risk further lrrlUHingan overstressed stu•
dent or unamused Ubrati&n. And maybe try
not to moan too loud on the silent floors
- some people have actuol schoolwork
they're trying to do .

The dark comers of BtoSct
lncoseyou haven't heard yet, the Biologico l
Sciences buildinQ on campus Is., veritable
maze of strange, secret rooms and twisting
corridors . It shouldn't be Mrd to tind some
obscure pt&ce In here to bump uglies . Just

make sure you &nd your spt-cial friend can
find your way out afterwards - ;,nd thot
you don't get any b iohaurdous material
somewhere you'd never want thtlt stuff
to be .

While th e world mig ht be end ing, that doesn't
mean you have time to get careless. If you're
__going to be taken out of the game, make sure ifs
the zo m bies that get toyeu fa t her than an easily
preventab le STI,

Yes.this information has been relentlessty crammed down
~ .ou~ throats-.s~ce we were alt in junior hl_ghschool but
scnousty. th,s ,s one of the simplest ways ol ke.e2in9 your·
s.altsafe in a variety of situations.

While you may think you understand all there is to know
about , sexual health, it's easy to miss crucial detoits . Take
questions you have to reliabh, sources. like your doctor,
and make sure you atwoys know what's going £1"1
your own body - that means getting tested regularly .


The U of A Observatory
Located at the west end or the fifth floo,
of CCIS, the campus observatory sets the
standard for romantic spots on campus. A
little stargazing is a great way to get you in


the mood. Try not to plan your risqu~ ,en •
dczvous when an elementary school tour Is
scheduled , or risk sending your shame and
embarrassment skyrocketing Into space.

Especially if you·r• moving into residence or hiUing the
bar scene for the first time, trust yourself rather than the
expectations of others. Whether you'have tons of sex or
none •t all, your perso nal comfor-t levels should be the
bottom line regardless of the situation.

When d a ..

...a ways u

se protection.

gateway • n'W.lll!<,,lltWXtOIIUll!.l.l

di sorient ation • S· 14

• Sep1ember 5, '2012


. of anapoc alypse, so there
o u're in the midst .
' ll want to take

cautions yo u
are certa in pre .
R sources are scare~,
to gel yourself out alive. eough to avoid a trip
but these tips shouldl be ::hat's 1eftof it):
to the hos pital (or at ea s


Signs of Alcohol Poisoning

Escape route
Before you pten a night out
the ~ogistic:f. Dotermine if

with e designated driver


to.wn, figure out
back home

~o~ tl_,begett,ng

have enough money for .th n b , not, make sure you
on drinks and try 10 h
•, . us or a cab. Set a limit
ave a nend to
throughout the night to mak
w,ate you: back
way more than you should. e $Ure you re not dr,nking

Seve re vomi ting o r vomiting after passing out
Not responding after being shouted at. pinched, nudged
or poked
The inab ility to stand up
The inabi lity to wake up
Slow. deep irregular breathing
Purplish. cold or clammy skin
Rapid pu lse

If you see any of these sjgns in an intoxica t ed person . don't hesitate - the
person ' s li fe could be in danger. Call 911 to get help immediately, but don't
teave the person's side to ensure that they stay breathing . White you·re
waiting for help, place them In the recovery position .
(Source : Alberta Health Services}


'l'IIEllEC(}VEllVl,(}Sl'l'l(}N -

Heep your eyes open
ith ou cit all times to avoid the risk
t<eepY?ur drink w d
you've left it unattended tor a
of gett ing druggc ·
ne Also be wary of drinl<ing
period of time,~~!
easy to spike. Signs .t~t
from pun: bobee~ dn.199ed include sleepiness, d 1zza-



you m~y
ve tondin or wolking or blacking out and
ness. d1ffie1.1lty
9 1 · nd exhibits symptoms like
toss of memory. II your ne
these. get them o hospital right away .

Step 1: Your frit>nd has passed out from try ing to drink the nightm;,res
11way.Make sure you pla<::c the arm Glost>st to you straight out from the
body , t1bove the ir head.

Know your limits
Alcohol is comrn o nl
Y use as a tool fo r $tXual assaut•
so• don'
' d s or strangers press-ure you into'
. t let you, rnon
dn nk1n9 m ore than you can hand!$ ,
Step 2: Grab and bend the person's far knee . GenUy roll them on to the ir
side .

If you need help
~m ergcncy P_osc
s are available o n cemput at LAT sta ~
tJons,.reco .9n1v,bte by th e glowing blue lights. Campus
~ecu nt y will eome to you r aid if you press thi s button
nd you can atways ca ll 911 if you feel you 're i~
dan ger.

Step 3: Position the far arm with the back of tht" hand against the near
check.. propping the ir heod up from the ground . Till the ir head up slightly
so that the airway is open . Mi'lke sure the ir hand is under the ir check . This
will keep their head etevMed and prevent them from choking on or swol •
lowing vom it i f they happen to throw up .

••gateway . ... ,lllf'41£UMI

dis orientation . S· 15

• Volume toa. Lssue I

av ,
eon campus, but
e you kn.ow how \o access these

Unlv~rsity Wellness
S erv1ces


officesIn i'iUB, SUB ond G:CIS

CAPS Is on cosily occeulbte Job~


Campus Food Bank

If you·re in need of an escort on or
around campus after It gets dark
which can happen pretty earty
durfng the winter - coll Safewotk.

huntfn.g .tesource. They offer ser•

:_- ,: ft tettef ondresume, career torumsand
If you ever ffnd yourself In need th
session$ on Interview skills. among
campus food bank Is ready to he e 'Mt!
other thln~s. They alSo have a very


Operating on the first floor of SUB t~ · 1!·. useful onllne Job postings section
organtzation alms to ellmlnate hu~ e l- ~ ;n
Clr'Web.Slletha\'S a must for the.

on c•mpus .



cony summer Job hunt ,

The occompon lment service is tree
and con be booked In advance o;
requeste<f at a moment 's notice bY
phon ing 780-4-WAl.k-ME . Safewatk
volunteers will even take the LRT
wllh you and escort you with i n three
blocks of the station.

Specialized Support and Disability -Services
It you need special accommodations In th
around campus, SSOSIs fn place tor
: c\assroom or asslsuincc gettJng
th eir office Is also on the second
floor of sue.

The U 01 A Ms 4 host or wellne$$
resources, 1ncludlng a pha«nt.1ey
, health
centre , sexuol assault centre and mental
health centre . All are rcad'lty ovaileble
to students rC93rdless of whether' they
buy In to the unlvcr'$ity's health plan
- &tlhoog:h you are required to show
proof of provlncl.at health tnwrence at
the health centre . Att offices are IOC4ted
on the second floor of SUB.

Heal th Cen tre: 780-492- 2612
Sexua l As-sault Centre: 7 80 •492 •9771
MentalH~alth Centre: 780 · 492-8535
Oistr.. , Une: 780- 482 -HELP
Note lh3t If yov do not want to pay tor
the university health plan, you need to
opt out byvfsitlng lhav eaplan,ca bet ore
the Sept.. 18 deadline . OtherwlS<: 'f(>\fre
automatlcaUy en,otled , &nd m~st pay
f0<. the progr&m •


Now that we've imparted all the sur vival wisdom we've got, it's time for you
to go out and face your fears. Good luck out there, kids - now that you've got
the skills, you might just make it out of this place alive.

gateway • n'W,lll[<,,lltWXtOIIUll!.l.l
• Sep1ember 5, '2

di sorient ation . S· 16

Math & Applied Sciences Centre

A department

of University




Carmen & Markus
The Math & Applied Science s Centre (MASC)
extends a warm welcome to
new and returning students
and we wish everyone the
best in academic success.
Having trouble with your
mathematics , engineering,
science, or stat ist ics course?
We're here to help! We offer
mat hematics preparation
workshops, as wel l as
custom -designed exam
preparation courses to he lp
you succeed on your midterm and final exams.

For the upcoming



year , we are pleased to offer the follow in g:

• Mathematics Preparat ion:
Math 100
• Weekly Seminars (held throughout the term):
Mat h 100, 101, 102, 113/114, 115,201, 209, 300
• Midterm and Final Exam Reviews (he ld shortly before exams):
Math 100, 101, 102, 113,114, 115,125
201, 209, 300, 309, 311
Stat 141, 151, 235
Phys 124, 130, 230; Chem 101/103, 102/105, 164/261, 263; Biol 107
Engg 130; EnCmp 100; EnPh 131; Cmput 174
& a var iety of science and engineering courses

Carmen & Markus
Office: CAB 289 / 780-492-6272
masc@ualberta.ca / www.ualberta.ca/~masc

Item sets